A Smaller Target

Being Good

Weight 177

Preparations for the party are going on downstairs.  Me, I'm upstairs listening.  I can't help.  If I do I won't be able to come to the party itself -- I'll have used all my energy.  This is so frustrating.  Of course, with this cold, no one wants me near the food anyway.  Sitting on the sofa with the buzz of activity around me makes me feel like a slug.

Other thoughts?  Two years ago, on December 24 I wrote the following in an entry:

Have you ever felt like you put your life on hold waiting for X or Y? I do. Everything good I try and deny myself because of my weight.

This was brought home for me very clearly earlier this week when my partner of close to eight years and I talked about eloping. I wanted to, but my first thought was "maybe we should wait until after I lose the weight." Part of me didn't feel I deserved to be a bride at the size I am.

We did marry, of course, two years ago today, despite some amazing drama about my wedding dress.   A courthouse wedding in Santa Barbara.  No one was there but the two of us and the JoP who did our vows.  Our witnesses were courthouse docents. This marriage was the best decision I've ever made in my life about anything.   Paul's a lot of the reason the last 10 years of my life have been so amazing and that I've been so happy.  He puts up with a lot and is always looking for ways to make things easier and better.  I lead such a fortunate life, really.

I really haven't being lolling around all day.  Paul and I did go out earlier today to get me an Rx refill from Costco and also pick up a cake (chocolate with chocolate mousse filling mmmm!), some Pam and more bandages and paper tape from Target.   The walk was good for me, but by the time we left Target I was running out of gas.  When we got home I promised I'd rest.  And so I'm resting, really.

In fact, now I'm going to try a nap. 

Three Weeks Out: Good, Bad, Ugly

Reading the stunningly beautiful (my dad's comment on her reunion picture) Kim's account of her plastics recovery --Kim had a lower body lift (that's a tummy tuck and backside lift at the same time) and breast lift on December 12-- reminded me that I hadn't really updated about the plastics this week at three weeks out.   In case you need a refresher, here's my first week entry.

So here goes.

The Good:

• the swelling is going down -- I'm wearing size 14 today rather than the 16/18s I was wearing last week.  My weight has dropped more than 10 pounds (190 to 178) almost back to where it was pre-op so a lot of the water must be gone.  This still doesn't take into account the 6 pounds of skin that was removed.  Maybe by next week.
• the drains are ALL out.  Thank you God.
• places on my body are visible now that I can only remember seeing in mirrors.
• pain pills are spaced out 6 - 12 hours rather than me staring at the clock waiting for it to be 4 hours. 
• the lipo-in-a-box is WAY more comfortable than the hospital binder. 
• the incision is healing nicely as are all the drain holes.  There is (currently anyway) no drainage or leakage.
• belly button is looking pretty good and healing very nicely.
• vertical incision is already a skinny pink line. 
• having to sit in a comfy chair so much has allowed lots of time for blogging.  Can't speak to the quality, but there's plenty of quantity.  I still can't focus enough to read any thing but novels by Terry Pratchett.  And that's only because I've read them about 10 each already.
• as time goes on, I can see that I really do have something that looks like a waist now.  Wow!

The Bad:

• there is still a good deal of muscle pain, especially when I've gone more than 8 hours without the pain meds.
• feh!  I have a cold.  Lovely.
• asking for help is still every bit as annoying.  I feel like I'm being lazy, especially as I see things that need to be done around my parents' house.
• this has NOT helped my constipation issues.  Even with all the extra coffee and tea.
• My hips and thighs look huge.  Probably because they are, but still.  Wow.  Especially when the binder has my breasts completely flat.
• still sleeping in a chair.  Do keep in mind too that I slept in our bed as soon as I got out of the hospital after my DS.  That's how much worse this has been.

The Ugly:

• panic attacks.  These are so not fun.  The ambien that my surgeon's given me has helped, but they're still happening at night and I'm scared that they're going to become a more common feature of my post-op life.  And, also annoying and probably related, I've become something of an emotional basket case.  Poor Paul!
• the curved spine thing is getting annoying.  I can't believe I have another week of it to go before I'm supposed to even try straightening.  Ack!
• after sneezing and coughing, a lump appeared just above where my old hernia was.  I'm terrified that the hernia somehow came back, though it might just be muscle swelling. 

All in all I know I'm really lucky to have gotten such great care.  And I'm recovering very well.  But man o man, this has been a lot harder physically then the recovery from the DS was.  It's made me feel miserable at the thought of the 3 - 4 additional surgeries I'm supposed to be planning for.  Aside from everything else, I really resent losing months of my life to this.  It's been three weeks and I'd say I'm still only at about 60% of full power. 

Scare

It seems I've caught a bit of a cold.  Runny nose, watery eyes and a cough.  The cough was what did me in.

Last night as I was sitting and watching Father Ted I started coughing.  There wasn't a pillow but I grabbed my chest.  But when I finished there was a small sore little bulge on the upper part of my incision line, just below my sternum.  Just exactly where my hernia was.  I can't even believe I might have done this to myself. 

I freaked out.  At first I didn't want to tell anyone, but then told my mom and Paul.  Paul calmed me down, pointing out that if it's a hernia, there's nothing more I can do anyway.  I've spent the day being very quiet with a pillow next to me in case I need to cough or sneeze.  The lump is smaller today, but still sore and swollen.  I'm going to be super careful from now on. If I haven't hurt myself yet, I'm going to make sure that I don't. 

Yes, I have been pushing too hard, trying to do too much too fast.  From here on out, I'm going to take it easier.  Much, much easier. 

But damn, I'm still really freaked out. 

It Finally Came!

Weight 180 (yay!)

So much for "priority mail express shipping." 

What with the Christmas rush and everything, the post office only today got around to delivering the high waisted capri support garment I ordered from Lipo in a Box back on the 14th.  Fortunately I haven't been stuck wearing my binder (ugh) the entire time.  My mom loaned me the pair she'd ordered from them. Still, it was good to finally get my own as hers wasn't one of the high waisted sort.

They're really quite comfortable.  Putting them on feels a lot like getting into pantyhose.  But once they're on they seem to support without the terrible hard pressure points that my binder gives.   And I love the way my legs look when I'm wearing it.  My thighs are actually smooth and firm. 

The swelling is definitely going down now at my waist and thighs (whew!).  And size 16s are loose again.  :)

More herbal tea say I!

Healing

Weight: 184

Yeah, despite the fact I've had enough herbal tea to float a boat in, I seem to be getting heavier.

Thanks Melody and Alison.  I can't tell you how much better your comments made me feel.  Logically I know that this is all swelling and water bloat, but post wls its so hard to see my weight and size go up like this.  Especially when I'm feeling terrible.

That's right.  Today I feel terrible. 

It's my own fault.  I overdid yesterday when I should have rested after having traveled and all that on Tuesday.  I spent all afternoon making cookies (sugar and gingerbread cut-outs) with my mom.  They came out wonderfully -- she did the rolling and cutting and I did the frosting and piping.  Then we made some platters for some friends of my parents.  Then Paul and I went shopping.  Just to Fred Meyers (grocery store) and then a quick roam around TJ Maxx; it felt like nothing.  But by the time I got home I felt tender and sore.  Taking a shower was the final straw -- it used up the last of my energy.   And, even though I had it a week before surgery, my body has decided that I should have my period  now  too.  Bah!

Today I went out with my mom in the morning to her day spa.  The owner, Jade, had given me a facial and pedicure before my DS surgery.  She was just stunned by my weight loss.  Sometimes it's hard to remember how dramatic it's been. She's planning on getting a tummy tuck of her own in a couple months so wanted to know what it was like.  I felt bad, but said that, right now, it mostly seemed painful.  While Jade waxed my mom in another room,  I just sat and had a warm aromatherapy treatment on my neck and read Vogue and In Style.  It was great.   Jade gave me a bunch of facial treatment products that she thinks will help with the eczema on my face.  I'm going to try them this week and get back to her.  It would be cool, but I've tried so much so many times I can't get my hopes up too much.

Other than that outing, I've spent most of the day sitting with my feet up watching TiVo.  I've got a scary sharp pain in my abs that feels like I'm trying to tighten them even though I'm not.   It's gotten better throughout the day, but has scared me enough that I'm  definitely taking it easier.

What I'm Wearing Post-Op

When I woke up in the hospital, I was wearing one of the stylish and a layer of thick padding under an elastic binder.  The binder was 18 inches wide by 48 inches long (unstretched).  It had a couple of supportive stays and was held together by a wide strip of velcro. 

Obviously I'm not wearing any of that right now.  Any of that EXCEPT the binder.  At the suggestion of Dr. Regina Kim, I cut the binder down to fit me better.  It's now about 12 inches wide by 34 inches long.  It's not comfortable or anything, but at least fits me a little.  I hate it.  It causes two constant problems.  One is that while it's supportive, it's also firm enough to make my skin feel sore just from the pressure of its edges and it's rough enough that I need to keep it from touching my skin.  So I'm wearing a lot of layers.  Here they are in order...

Day: 

1. soft cotton panties that are large enough that their elastic lays above my incision line
2. Norm Thompson cotton cami with built-in underwire bra
3. binder
4. slacks or jeans
5. long sleeved tee shirt and / or sweater

The cotton cami's have been life-savers.  They're soft and keep the binder away from my skin and cut down a layer (otherwise I'd need to wear a bra and tank top). 

Night:

1. soft cotton panties that are large enough that their elastic lays above my incision line
2. long sleeved silk undershirt
3. binder
4. pajama pants (mostly drawstring flannel)
5. long sleeved thermal undershirt

I've ordered a high waisted capri length support garment from Lipo In A Box.  Once it comes, I won't need to wear the binder anymore during the day.  I haven't purchased anything from them before, but my mom, sister and cousin (okay, cousin-in-law) have all bought different things and rave about them, especially the bottoms.  What seems pretty extraordinary about that is that they're all very different sizes and wear them for different reasons. 

My cousin-in-law is petite and small, probably a size 4-6.  She's had 3 kids and wears their high waisted stuff to hold in her "cupcake".  My mom wears the capris under pants to smooth and lift and also has bought a body suit which she says is amazingly comfortable.  Eloise (my sister, an RnY post-op) wears the capri length support garment for exercising.  She says it holds her legs well enough to allow her to run / jog, something excess skin wouldn't allow her to do otherwise. 

All say that the garments are light, cool and comfortable.  None of which can be said about my binder!

Hope mine arrives today!

Water, Water Everywhere

Weight: 182

Post plastic surgery, I left the hospital with a lot of water / swelling.  How much?  I'm not sure.  But....

• enough that I went into the hospital wearing a size 10-12  in jeans; even now I can barely get on my size 16 jeans.  The 18s fit comfortably.
• my thighs were so swollen they were rock hard with no jiggling or hanging skin. This was not the case pre-op, trust me.  My legs also measured 2 inches larger around at the knees and thighs.
• Pre-op, my weight was ~178.  Dr. Soo removed almost 6 pounds.  I didn't have a scale when I got home, but three days ago I stepped on a scale and weighed 187.  That's almost 10 pounds heavier then I was before plastics.

I know this isn't real weight gain.  Aside from anything else, I haven't been able to eat very much since surgery and have eaten very little sugar.  I also know nothing but time and healing will reduce the swelling.  But I want to get all this excess water off me.  Being at my parents' house with a scale gives me a good chance to keep track of how

For the past 4 days I've been drinking a lot of herbal tea (I'm too cold to drink much water) and trying to walk as much as possible to get the water out of my legs.  Given the amount of time I've spent in the bathroom, I think it's working.  This morning I weigh 182 on my mom's scale. 

If you've had this sort of post-op water retention, how long did it take to leave your body?  And what did you do to get it out? 

Another Day

Another post-op day spent "recovering" --something which largely consists of napping on a comfy chair, trying to remember to eat (did I mention that my desire for food has been quite low since surgery?) and counting the hours between doses of pain medication.   If I haven't been blogging much, it's basically because I'm rather bored with my life and so feel guilty writing about it it here and thus spreading the boring around.

Someone did save me, however by writing and asking a few questions.  I can't really call them "frequently asked" but hey, any port in a storm. 

So here's the first of a few questions and their answers:

I used to read your comments and things on some of wls forums.  How come you don't post there anymore?

When I was pre-op and in the early days post-op, I was a very active poster on both the forum on the duodenal switch website (highly recommend this community) and also on the DS part of the Obesity Help site (reservation there).  I've disappeared from both over the last several months for different reasons. 

Since I can be frank here --my blog, my thoughts, my rules and no I won't delete your comments either...  There are wonderful people who participate on the DS board on the Obesity Help site.  I miss them.  However, the way OH runs their forums represents (to me) the worst in Internet forum management.  They tend to censor / delete that which they don't want to read / hear, are arbitrary in the enforcement of rules and allow a vocal (and overly-"Christian"* oriented) minority have sway over everyone else.  Basically they create a world that encourages adults to act like children.  The DS board tends to be relatively free of this, but in my experience, it does spill over from the main forum every few months.  I'm very attached to my words, be they clever or not, and I don't like the idea of anyone but me having the right to delete them.  So when Obesity Help started censoring a regular poster on the DS forum, I stopped reading and posting there.

The exact opposite management style can be found, btw, on the Duodenal Switch website.  The manager there (Melanie) generally only deletes post / entries at the request of their authors and goes out of her way to be fair and allow conflicts to work themselves out.  I stopped posting and reading regularly there when life got so complicated this summer.  It's always been my intention to come back there, though I felt kind of bad doing it right before my tummy tuck, I guess because I thought it would seem like I was fishing for sympathy.

A final point is a structure thing.  I like the way that topics stay current (that is on the first page) of the Duodenal Switch site so long as they are actively being discussed.  It was always annoying to have to page back to discussions on the OH site forums even if the discussions were still actively engaged.

--
*I put "Christian" in quotation marks because my experience of them wasn't of Christianity as I know it, but rather of the worst sort of mean-spirited hypocrisy cloaking itself under the name "Christian"

Two Drains Down

Sorry this is going up so late.  I've spent most of the afternoon / evening recovering from actually getting out of the apartment for a little while today.

This morning Paul drove me to my appointment at USC to see Dr. Soo.  She examined me and the output records of the drains (Paul's been keeping them for me) and decided that two of them could come out.  This was good news -- I want them all out -- but I was suddenly very afraid.  You see, I didn't have any drains for my DS so I had no idea what pulling them out would entail.  I was also afraid of being grossed out, something that happens all too easily to me.

As it turned out, there was nothing to fear.  I barely felt anything when she removed them.  The holes were bandaged (eww!) and she told us how to take care of them.  She left the other two drains.  I'm hoping they can come out Monday afternoon so we can fly up to Portland on Tuesday as planned.  She was supportive of me / us traveling, but not with the drains in.  Funniest moment?  Her joking about the drains being in violation of the airlines' liquids rules.  Anyway, I'm to call Monday with their weekend output and then the decision will be made.

According to Dr. Soo, my incision lines look great and are healing very well.  And my bellybutton is (her words) "out of the woods."  I can't tell you how happy I was to hear that.  She even held up a mirror so I could look at it.  Not too bad looking, given what was done.

After that, we drove to a friend's office to pick up some work for Paul (he's loading an iPod for our Famous Philosopher friend) and (surprise!) some hand-me-down clothes (black wool dress and a jacket).  I could only kind of try them on, given the drain situation, but they seemed very cool.  If I can get my flaking skin under control, the dress will be really cute.

Then we went to grab lunch at In'N'Out where I had a cheese burger done protein style (lettuce wrapped, no bread), a few fries and a sip of Paul's strawberry shake.  A walk across the parking lot to Costco to pick up synthroid and more magic pain meds for me (note: how bad is my insurance coverage? So bad that Costco is basically cheaper even though I don't have any coverage there).  They had my Rx ready and waiting for me, a welcome change from Rite-Aid.

I still had energy so we walked around the store a bit.  I got some of the Mrs. May's crunchy nut packs (see here for review) and we lucked into finding Christmas gifts for our nieces and nephews.  This was a huge relief as three out of four need to be shipped to England ASAP and the other needs to go to Ohio.  I feel the Good Aunt responsibility quite keenly.  Presents for adults don't matter in my family, but what's the good of being a child-less/free aunt and uncle if you can't send cool Christmas gifts.  Oh and chocolate.  We're sending the See's snowman pack, of course. 

Anyway, by the time we got home I'd used all my energy and then some of tomorrow's and felt so tired even sitting under my quilts and resting had me near tears.  But it still was great to be out for the day and also to realize that I am getting better and, with the help of pain meds, can walked a good distance.

Something I noticed today that isn't so cool is that I'm basically swollen from the waist down.  My thighs / knees are two inches bigger around then they were before surgery.  My surgeon didn't seem worried -- just recommended I drink more coffee / tea and lots of water.  But it goes a long way to explaining why I'm suddenly a size 18 again.  Grrrr!

Thanks everyone for being so kind about both my recovery and my problems with anxiety.  Some of you may remember that anxiety and feeling vulnerable were issues for me last time I was post-op.  I suspect that's part of what's happening here.  Last night seemed very uneventful to me, but Paul told me I ended up calling out to him in my sleep.  He apparently calmed me down without ever even waking me up. 

Panic!

Last night Early this morning at about 4AM, I woke to crushing pain in my chest.  I couldn't breath, my heart rate was way up and my body hurt all over. 

No, it wasn't a heart attack -- even then I knew what I was experiencing was a panic attack.  I've had them before, though the circumstances of this were different.   They're always pretty scary and terrible.  This one was made even moreso because I was sitting in a recliner and had on a binder, making it already harder to breath.  Plus I was kind of in pain and disoriented and, because of having quilts tucked around me, couldn't get up without help.  Fortunately Paul heard me gasping his name, got me up and sitting on the edge of the bed, took my binder off and rubbed my back until I felt calmer.  He can make me feel safe and secure even in scary moments when he's been woken out of a sound sleep.  For this I'm really thankful.

What caused this panic attack?  I have no real idea.  It could be the feeling of sleeping sitting up when I'm used to sleeping on my stomach.  It could be a side effect of the drugs (though I've just gone back ON the anti-anxiety drugs I was taken off of before surgery) and various pain meds.  It could be the pain itself.  I just don't know. 

What I do know is that it underlined how vulnerable I feel.  And made me even more eager to heal up quick and get back to the gym.  Bench pressing leaves me feeling strong.

6 Day Out From Surgery: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I've been dithering a bit about posting this, mostly because I know someone who is about to have lower body lift surgery and didn't want to stress them out anymore than they already were feeling.  But I also wanted to record what this was/is really feeling like for me and also answer some of the questions a few of you have left (I love questions as it makes it easier to know what to write about next). 

So here goes.

The Good

• by all accounts, surgery went perfectly.  This is just what one wants to hear post-op!
• My mom came and stayed with us through the surgery and my time in the hospital.  She only left on Sunday night and having her here made things infinitely easier.
• my hernia was smaller than Dr. Kaufman even expected.  He did not need to use any sort of mesh and was able to let Dr. Soo overlap the upper part of the incision line as she wanted.
• My hands had feeling almost completely again by the time I left the hospital on Friday afternoon.  By today they feel find / normal.
• (I think this is good anyway) the bottom incision goes about 2/3 of the way around my body, though this isn't a lower body lift, so it may take up even more of the excess skin.  Nor is my incision being called an "anchor" cut, though I suspect it would qualify.  Having seen the mark-up lines before hand I suspect there were a number of triangles cut out and my remaining skin ended up being re-aligned a bit. 
• My drain output has slowed down a lot and I'm hoping that at least two can come out on Thursday when I see Dr. Soo.
• Drugs... with a dose of hydricodone (vicodon) every 4 hours and an Ambien at night, the drugs are finally on top of the pain and so what I feel is mostly discomfort rather than stabbing or scary hurt.
• Things are looking good so far as I can tell, especially in the bellybutton department! :)

The Bad

• Okay, I know why this is and I know I haven't actually gained weight, but it's still hard.  My pants / jeans size has gone from 10/12 back up to 18.  I'm assuming that this is all / mostly swelling and that I'll be shrinking as time goes on, but still, hard to feel good about.  Looking down, my thighs look bigger than ever.  I'm trying to decide if it's swelling or water retention or just that I can see them better now.
• This hurts.  A lot.  The stitches (three layers of them -- more than the surgeon said she even wanted to think about counting) and drains and things cause surface pain at and just below the skin level (not the least of which is tape pulling on pubic hair! OWWW).  There's also some of what I think of as muscle pain (though I did not have any significant muscle tightening) underneath.   Not so much though.  What hurts the most is my back and shoulders.  I'm having to walk / sit kind of hunched over so as not to pull on the stitches anymore than I  have to .  There's a very firm directive not to try and stand up straight. 
• I can't bend over very well or reach up for anything higher than my shoulder.  I hate asking for help all the time.  Annoying!
• Can't sleep in our bed.  Paul has to move our Ikea chair from the living room into our bedroom every night so we can "sleep together" (as in being in the same room).  An upside, as he pointed out, is that the chair is finally getting some good use. 
• I can't read.  The pain meds leave me feeling no pain but also unable to  have a sustained thought for more than a few minutes.  Sad because this would be a perfect time to catch up on reading and / or blogging.   We'll see.  Funniest part of that?  Conversations I keep hearing about but have no memory of actually having.

The Ugly

• The only thing that's really ugly in all of this are the drains.  There are 4 of them coming out from around my pubic mound.  They're tubes of plastic (or something like plastic) numbered 1 - 4 from right to left and ending in a bulb sort of thing.  They have to be emptied (which includes stripping the drain lines) 2X a day and their output recorded.  At first when Paul did it I felt kind of woozy but now can watch pretty easily.  As the output is decreasing, it is also becoming cloudier and with more clots.

Answers to questions:

1. Annie: yes, people do loose their bellybuttons sometimes following this sort of reconstructive surgery.  It depends on a number of things, including how good the blood supply was to it before surgery and whether they can cut around in and then put it in its new skin (because they're pulling so much up and down there) and have it heal without it dying off.  The possibility of not having one still freaks me out, though my surgeon did say, worse case, I could have another made.  Still, eeeek!
2. Kim: you're in my thoughts and prayers today girlfriend.  I honestly put this off mostly because I didn't want you to worry about my whinny little complaints.  Paul did take some before pictures with my surgeon's line drawings.  He's going to take some tomorrow so we can see where I am after a week.  I'm not sure how I'm going to go about putting them up though.  Probably some sort of either password or album linking.
3. Alison: Yeah... it is a big deal.  I think I sort of imagined something less serious, maybe because I over worried about the DS.  But I'm coming through fine.
4. Bronwen: It's not being called that, but it sure looks like an anchor to me.  I'll try and get some pictures up and then you all can tell me! :)

Waiting For the Water to Boil

So I'm sitting in the chilly kitchen waiting for the water to boil for my coffee.  I could probably make it myself (so long as I didn't put too much water in the kettle -- it's hard for me to lift heavy things and "heavy things" seem to be anything over a couple of pounds) but Paul offered to do it for me so I let him.  He's been great post-op at being willing to run around doing things for me from picking up drugs to fetching and carrying.

But the coffee thing is special as it allows me to indulge in a Very Spoiled Girl fantasy.  A joke I've always made to Paul is to whine to him in the morning that he should bring me coffee* like a good houseboy (yeah, okay, so much for the submissive slave girl thing).   His stock response has been that he would (right!) but he doesn't know how to make it.   My comeback was something along the lines of that in our kitchen, "we have the technology."   Still, his lack of experience was rather a sticking point.

Until yesterday / today.  Now he knows how to make coffee with the french press.  Still, much as it is nice to sip coffee while sitting in bed (not that I've actually been in bed for the past 3 nights) it's also rather wonderful to sit at the kitchen table, feeling the vicodin slowly kicking in and chat with him while he putters around the kitchen for me. 

Yeah, I'm both fortunate and  very spoiled these days.   

----
*Not sure why as I don't like eating in bed --breakfast in bed has no appeal-- but there's nothing more wonderful then waking up to a cup of steaming coffee made just the way I like it. 

Complications and Side Effects

Weight 180.3

I probably should have written this a while ago.  But it was like I needed to know the end of the story before I started telling it.  And now I do.  So where to start?

First, with the reminder that weight loss surgery, whether RnY or duodenal switch or whatever, isn't a minor or trivial thing.  Those of us who've opted for surgery have made major (and to a degree irreversible) changes to our body's plumbing.  Not something to do without knowing that there can be very serious consequences and, at the very least, that we're going to need a life-time of follow-up lab work.

So, as many of you know, my sister Eloise had RnY surgery on Valentine's Day, 2005.  She's lost over 200 pounds and, generally speaking, seemed to be having a great recovery. 

Except that she ended up being one of the people who can't absorb vitamin B-12 post-op. 

Not to worry.  She was given / prescribed fast dissolving supplements.  But her testing 3 months later showed that the B-12 levels were still falling.  So she started on B-12 injections.  Those didn't work either.  By June her B-12 levels were critically low and the side effects of that were causing terrible and scary things to happen: irregular heart beat, extreme fatigue, anemia. 

Not good.  Her doctor told her she could have a heart attack at any time and said she couldn't work.  Eloise is paid hourly and, though primary caregiver to my nephew, must work or risk losing health insurance as Ohio has no domestic partnership laws. 

Just before she came out to Oregon for my grandmother's 100th birthday party, the doctors tried the first of many IV B-12 treatments.  Three months later we know they're working.   Had they not, Eloise would be looking at needing her surgery undone -- a process that, given her state of health, had its own risks.   

Right now it looks like she'll be needing these treatments 2 - 3 times a month for the rest of her life.  Fortunately, though her RnY surgery wasn't covered under her health insurance, this treatment is. 

But what's really important to remember is that complications can happen to anyone.  Though she eventually ended up feeling bad, this B-12 problem started when she was feeling great.  Had she not been being good about her follow-up care, she might have had a heart attack or suffered other permanent damage before the problem was caught . 

So don't forgo follow-up care.  Please.

And me?  So far as I know I have only side effects -- namely a small hernia and a huge amount of excess skin.  But I've got my 18 month follow-up come the end of the month!

Back at Work

Weight 210.0 

Yesterday was my first day back at work.  It went really well with all sorts of people commenting that they could tell I'd lost weight.  That left me a bit confused.  I have lost weight of course, but mostly not in the 3 weeks since they last saw me.  I ended up feeling so confused that I called Paul to ask about it.  He came up with the very obvious solution that break had them looking at me with fresh eyes.  I'm not sure he's right, but I'll take it.

I felt pretty good yesterday and was eating really well and managed to get 80 oz of water in just at work (so I was kind of being paid to pee, but whatever).  Then 4pm hit and with an hour to go at work my body suddenly realized it was midnight.  Dragging myself home was hard and I ended up in bed at 8pm.   

Guess that's one way to avoid eating at night.

Replying to someone on a message board yesterday, I thought about what my recommendations would be for someone who was pre-op.  At first I was about to pull out my standard advice about getting started on walking and taking before pictures, but then I realized that to the degree I've had success post-op (and it's really weird for me to think of my experience being inspiring to anyone), it's been because I've had the opportunity to focus on myself.  This was especially true in the first few months after surgery.

So here's what I wrote for what it's worth:

My suggestion is one that probably isn't possible for a lot of people, but I know it made a HUGE difference for me.  It's to give yourself as much time as possible to recover.  Not just for your wound to heal from surgery, but for your head too.  Learning a new way to eat is HARD work. Food means so many things to me,  not least of all is comfort.  I'm still struggling with finding comfort other ways.  But for the first few months I really babied myself emotionally and avoided stress the way a cardiac bypass patient might.  I took lots of walks, wrote in my blog and a private journal and really was in touch with how my body and mind were doing.
 
I was lucky in that while we don't have much money, my being a grad student allowed me to focus on recovering for those 3 months until I felt really strong. 
 
So I guess my advice to a pre-op is not to take this lightly.  You're about to embark on an adventure that changes so many things.  I've really enjoyed this process, but it's painful too.  I don't think we should expect to feel "normal" in a couple weeks or even a month. Probably some people do, but I know I'm still sort of finding my way both out of my fat security blanket and figuring out how to cope with stress without eating sugar.

That's it for now.  I think I'm going to get Paul to take my measurements later today.  If so there'll be another post.

Tuesday

Weight: 262

I still haven't heard back from the doctor (despite another message) though it looks like things are clearing up on their own.  And yeah, I'm still a little annoyed.  I'm going to send Maria an email today from work.  I don't like bugging her, but she seems to be the only one I ever hear from. 

Yeah, that's me pouting a bit.

I've had a few days of too light eating.  Yesterday I had a protein shake, some refried beans and three chicken strips with most of the breading gone.  I'm trying but am just not very hungry which makes it hard to remember food. 

Watching the coverage of Katrina hasn't helped.  Back in my previous life and marriage I spent a wonderful summer at LSU in Baton Rouge and have had some great trips and times in New Orleans.  I'd like to do something but am too broke to make a contribution.  HWLBO and I do have a friend who's been sent (he's a FEMA volunteer) to help.  Maybe supporting him and his wife will have to be enough.

Anyway, now that I've whined on my blog, it must be time for a protein shake before I've gotta go to work. 

I still love the fact I've got a job.  :) 

Summer's Days

Weight: 262

Thanks for your concern.  I'm feeling better though the problem hasn't entirely gone away.  I'm a bit annoyed because no one ever called me back, which is a bit puzzling as it was hugely stress that I should call whenever there's a problem.  The NP who works with Dr. Kaufman seems to be on leave and the nurse who works with one of the other doctors is covering, but not for me, apparently.  I'll call again tomorrow.

I talked to Eloise today!  She's lost 115 pounds so she's in the 280s. Hooray!  More importantly, I'll be seeing her up in Oregon next month (my family is going on a vacation on the coast) so I'll get a picture of both of us together.  She's now wearing my favorite jeans and says they fit perfectly, which makes me feel really happy.  The 24s I'm in now are getting loose (sob) and so by next month I suspect I'll need to pass them.  Going down in sizes is great except that I'm going to be left with nothing to wear which is less great.  Ah well.  There's always TJ Max.  But hey, if anyone wants to send me some size 20 jeans and slacks, well, don't think I'd be too proud to take 'em.  ;)

It's pretty hot here in Los Angeles, even as far west as Santa Monica (high 90s - high 80s) but I'm sure not feeling the heat the way I used to.  This is very very good of course.  Weird too because my body still registers that it's quite warm, but I'm not dripping with sticky sweat the way I've been the past ten summers.

Other news?  I got my first paycheck!  It was only for 1/2 a month, but it was still really exciting to be earning regular money again.  It sounds like HWLBO will be going back in the next couple weeks.  So yay us!  Knock on wood, but it looks like we're going to make it!

Places I've discovered I fit this week:

• the bathtub!
• the seats at the Arclight in the Dome!
• did I mention outside at Coffee Bean?  Yeah, I did but I actually sat out there with HWLBO and we drank some ice blendeds.  It was totally great.
• in size 20 jeans!  Though I'm too broke to buy any.  Still, soon.  :)

Anyway, I'm hopeful that I can lose another 5 pounds in the next week or so, which means I need to make sure I fit in daily walks again, and hit 100 pounds lost since surgery by the first of the month.  I've asked HWLBO to come up with a scene that will both be a total surprise and be memorable to mark the occasion.  I feel like I'm pushing a bit and maybe biting off more than I can chew (as he would say), but the idea appeals to me so much it gives me shivers.  ::swoon::

This is a bit disjointed, but just what I've been thinking about lately.  More soon.

Long Week

Current weight: 263

This is an alert that there may be Too Much Information for some in this entry.  Please feel free to skip it, especially if you're eating.

This has been a long week and I'm sorry I haven't updated.  I've just finished The Period From Hell (ick) and lost three pounds the HARD way.  What do I mean by "hard way"?  Ugh!  I've gone from being majorly constipated to having had diarrhea since Friday.   Today is Wednesday so that makes, well, too long. 

Yes, I have a call into my doctor's office, before anyone freaks out.

Why did I wait until today to call Dr. Kaufman's office I hear you ask?  Well, because I thought it was maybe a side effect of having my period.   You see, pre-op, I tended to be very constipated before my period and then have a day or two of diarrhea (just when you want it, right?) during, complete with cramps and lots of grouchiness.  So that's where I assigned the blame this time.  Problem is, my period ended Sunday but the trots continue. 

I don't feel sick or flu-like, though it has made me not want to eat.  I even tried a day of all protein shakes in the hope of it calming things down.  It didn't cure anything though I oddly felt really good that day.  My protein intake must have been up around 130 grams, so maybe I need more than I've been getting. 

Anyway, I'm trying to make sure I get enough fluids (though it's HARD).  I'm afraid to go for walks because it'll take me too far from the bathroom.  Losing weight this way is definitely not the way I wanna go down. 

I'll let you know what I hear from the doctor's office.  Take care and thanks for the cheers and support.  It means more to me than I can say.

Adventures of the Super Hydrated

So today was day three of following Dr. Kaufman's advice about drinking 4 liters of water / fluid a day.  Yes, it seems to be resolving my constipation issues -- however I'm spending a lot of time in the bathroom.  Like every 45 minutes or so.  And I've only made it to 3.5 liters and it's just past midnight. 

Help!

This afternoon I switched from water to peppermint tea, which does seem to go down faster.  I also like it a lot.  But I'm still not finished.  I've spent the day drinking, sipping and even swigging.  I do miss the days when I could pound a liter of water. 

To those of you wondering, constipation is not a normal side effect of duodenal switch surgery.  Quite the opposite.  But then I've always been a bit backwards.

Anyway, raise your glasses!  To health!

Meeting With the Good Doctor

I meant to write this yesterday, but I spent much of the evening listing stuff on eBay (yeah, we're broke again and need to pay the car insurance) .  We've got some interesting stuff like an antique ebony hairbrush (er, kink alert folks) in "spanking" condition and some wonderful camera equipment that a friend who wanted to help us out asked us to auction for her (we're splitting the profits). 

EBaying takes soooo much longer than I think it's going to.  By the time I was finished, all I wanted to do was finish the new Elizabeth George With No One As Witness.  It's  not her best of the series (I like the earlier ones much better), but the twist the ending totally shocked me and I'm still thinking about it.  I recommend it for fans of the series.

But anyway, on Monday I had my belated (because of Dr. Kaufman's holiday and the conference in Florida) three month appointment.  It was a great day, starting out well because I got to have coffee (for me) and conversation (what is it about her that makes me unable to shut up??) with the delightful Michelle.  She brought me snacks (oooo!) -- they're this wonderful mix called Balance GoMix.  I had one and it tastes sort of like a cross between trail mix and granola.  Pretty darn good.  And has 15 grams of protein per bag!  She said she likes it in the morning mixed with low carb yogurt.  I haven't tried that yet but will soon and then you'll all get to hear abut it!

Dr. Kaufman took me right on time (woo woo!) and Maria weighed me.  I was 288 on their scale despite being 283 on my scale at home.  Of course, I was dressed and had taken in a protein shake, coffee and water, but still, I was a little sad not to have a recorded loss of 70 pounds.  How nuts is that?  Maria gave me some information about the new on-line profile system USC has started for bariatric patients.  I looked at it when I got home.  It's sort of like FitDay, but I like it better.  There is going to be a programming fee for it though.  I'm not sure what it will be for new people, but I'm going to be billed $40.  The good news?  Carole will be able to see what I've been eating over the past however long I've been logging BEFORE I have to go in and meet with her.  That means half my time with her won't be spent writing up my food journal for the day before and there'll be more advice on eating and drinking.  That's definitely worth $40.  Even though I don't have $40 right now.  But Maria said I could start using it now and pay when I had the money.  :) 

When Maria asked me if I had any concerns to talk to Dr. Kaufman about, I told her about my bowel issues.  Specifically that I both feel constipated a lot and that I only seem to have movements ever few days now.  This is how I was basically for my whole life pre-op.  The first couple months post-op I felt normal.  Anyway, I told Maria who asked about my water intake and said the 2 liters I'm drinking a day should be fine.

When Dr. Kaufman came in we talked about it a bit more.  Of course he had to point out that I should be having the opposite problem.  What can I say?  I've always been backwards!  He recommended adding prune juice and doubling my water.  That's four liters a day.  When I said omigod!  he said that it wouldn't hurt me and it might work.  I replied that it wouldn't hurt except that I'm going to need the location of every restroom on the west coast. But I did it yesterday and darned if it isn't working.  So just call me hydrated.

I asked and Dr. Kaufman calculated my "realistic goal weight" which is apparently 170.  Still more than 100 pounds away, but it sounds doable, at least today.

After I had a frustrating 2 hours of trying to get blood drawn.  Really, very messed up, but in the end the day was pretty good.  Especially since HWLBO had his meeting at the INS and got his work permit.  Yay!  :)  He's legal again! 

Today I didn't do very much, but I did make a cottage pie and homemade tomato soup.  :) How wifey is that?

Out of control

I'm in Portland at my parents' house taking care of my grandparents -- they're great but wow is it a lot of work.  This is really embarrassing to write about, but I feel like I'm flailing out of control.  I have all the right foods for me to eat here, but my days are focused on feeding my grandparents -- making meals and the like.  The house is full of snacks.  And man have I been snacking.  Even on jelly beans and other sugar.

It makes me feel terrible, but I eat it anyway.  I'm not hungry, but I'm eating it anyway.  Tonight I ate until I was almost sick.

It's been hard for me to get in my water and protein, though today I got in both.  But for the first time post-op I feel like an out-of-control-failure and I don't know what to do.

Actually, I guess I do know what to do.  Start fresh tomorrow and try harder.

God, I hate that.

At 6 Weeks

I had my 6 week appointment today and got this nifty card (click the thumbnail for a larger image) to carry in my wallet in case I need to go to a hospital. It's so the doctors don't freak too much when they see my insides and also so they don't blindly insert things expecting my stomach to be somewhere it isn't (I'm planning to get a Medic Alert bracelet too).  The flip side of the card has all the contact information for USC's surgery department. Apparently if I'm in Los Angeles, the practice tends to be for the admitting hospital to either transport me to USC, or if that isn't possible, try and wait for one of the USC bariatric surgeons to come and consult.

I also got weighed.  So, let's have a look at the numbers, as they say on Marketplace.  At 6 weeks I'm down 36.5 pounds.  Which isn't bad, of course, it's great.  But it's only 9.5 pounds more than I'd lost at my 3 week appointment.  At 3 weeks I'd lost 27.  So I was disappointed, even though everyone (Dr. Kaufman, his assistants, Maria, my husband) said that was great.  I worried that if I'm only losing 3 pounds a week at 6 weeks out, I'll have stopped altogether by 6 months.  Clearly I'm the one person this surgery isn't going to work for.  It'll be so embarrassing, I'll need a revision, everyone will think I'm eating cookies and ice cream all day....

It was raining in Los Angeles today and I struggled against feeling depressed the whole way home -- which took a while because we went surface streets as the freeways were snarled due to rain related traffic accidents.  Well, I struggled with feelings of depression most of the way home.  I also drank a 20 oz bottle of water, so by the time we hit Beverly Hills I needed a bathroom.  By the time we were through West LA and headed into Santa Monica, all my thoughts were focused on not disgracing myself.  HWLBO seemed amused, but did drive faster.  I felt every tiny bump in the road however and ended up leaping out of our barely stopped car and sprinting (not really, you have take very small quick steps when your bladder is that full) into our apartment's bathroom.  Oh the blessed relief.

It was there that I was honest with myself for the first time since the numbers on the scale didn't show a 50 pound loss.  On some level, I'd managed to convince myself I was going to be losing 25 pounds a month.  Now, I know that wasn't a rational belief -- just because I'd lost 27 pounds in 3 weeks was no reason to think anyone keeps up that rate of loss.  But I'd wanted to believe it.  I've started seeing changes in my body this week, clothes fitting differently -- some of the 2Xs from support group being perfect for now when I expected to need to wait until June to wear them.  And so I'd convinced myself I was going to have lost at least 45 pounds and probably 50 by today.  That's the real reason I sneered at the 36.5 number.  Not a fear that I wasn't going to lose, but the realization that the surgery isn't magic -- this is going to take time and work.

So I cheered myself by vacuuming for the first time since surgery (I was cleared to resume normal activities at my appointment).  And then I went for another two mile walk with HWLBO (it was my idea though, not his!) up to Whole Foods because I needed some Burt's Bees Buttermilk Baby Lotion for my dry rash-y eczema.  By the time I got back, I felt much better about my 36.5 pound loss.  It isn't 40 or 50 yet, but it will be.  And meantime, I'm strong enough to walk a mile or two or even more when I want.  That's something to be happy about, right?

Oh and more good news... Eloise is down 67 pounds!  What an overachieving loser my little sister is!  ;)

Water

In some ways my bladder infection was a blessing in disguise (a really painful disguise though) because it made me thirsty and eager to drink once it was allowed.  That thirst has stuck with me, something I'm glad for because it makes getting my daily water requirement easier. 

Easier.  It's still can be hard. 

Post op though, water is really important.  I'm getting in 64 ozs of water plus, and I'm still peeing (sorry for being so detailed here) very yellow.  As the fat breaks down, the byproducts have to get out somehow.  If we don't have enough water in our bodies it can slow down weight loss.  Worse still, we can end up in the hospital with all sorts of problems due to dehydration.  Sadly, this can happen to both DS and RNY patients very fast.

Early on in my post-op recovery, the little 1/2 pint Arrowhead bottles were a big help.  Not the cheapest way to go, but I could suddenly get a lot more water in faster, I think because they were less intimidating and also I could finish them fast enough that the water stayed cold.  I used them for my first two weeks.  Crystal Light on the Go, the raspberry ice flavor was good too.  In fact, I'm drinking some right now. 

I also drank a good amount of herbal tea, hot.  I've been cold since I got out of surgery, except for when I had a fever.  It was good to drink something warming, plus it's easy to remember to sip when the drink is hot.

Two weeks ago I found Propel water.  I love the grape, am cool about the other flavors.  For some reason the Propel goes down easier than water.  I can drink 16 ozs in about 15 - 20 minutes -- that's about twice the rate I can put down water.  An added bonus is that Propel has a good amount of vitamin B -- always a good thing.  Drinking has also gotten easier because I can take a normal sized swallow or two, so long as I stop with two and then wait a couple minutes before I take the next couple swallows. 

Bad ideas?  I don't like CL to go lemonade flavor.  It tastes too much like chemicals.  Oh and the Fruit2-0 I bought was beyond terrible. 

Does anyone else have any drinking ideas?  I'd like to get in a bit more now that the weather is starting to get warmer. 

Small Celebration

Yesterday I set out on a walk, even though my foot hurt and the weather was cold.  When I got home, I realized I'd walked further, without stopping at all, than I had in a very long time.... the last time was 2 years ago in London.  Even then, I think I stopped for little rests on benches.  HWLBO calculated my distance based on my route and told me I'd walked 2.6 miles in a little over an hour.  Not too bad.  And wouldn't you know it, today my heel spur hurts less than it has all week.

Another small celebration was with my jeans -- they're my favorites.  I found them in Ross.  They're labeled 28, but I think they were mis-sized.  They fit like 26s.  Anyway, I tried them on the week before surgery and could barely even pull them up, let alone close them.  I've been trying them on at least once every week since.  Today I tried them on and was able to button and zip them.  I couldn't have worn them in public without fear of blinding someone should the button give way and shoot across at them, but they were on.  I can imagine them actually fitting by the end of next week.  That blows my mind as I can't really see that I've lost very much weight.  Yet I must have as these were way too small to consider zipping up not very long ago.

I'm still struggling to get in enough food, but I'm also still trying.   Tonight I made sugar free pudding with extra protein powder so maybe eating a little more of that will help up my numbers.  I also ate a tiny bit of HWLBO's steak -- maybe the size of 2 "normal" sized bites -- but more like 6 of mind.  It was so yummy and stayed down!  :) 

All in all, a good day despite some weird May rain!

New Week

Last week was hard.  I know I'm feeling better and stronger, but it's like my body has realized it has a choice not to take in foods that are disagreeing with it.  Even small amounts of some foods, like beef, except for what can be found in canned stews or soups, won't stay down.  Likewise, the same is true of foods I've had a little bit too much of (like salmon one night). I've had 4 episodes of being sick and each one was terrible. 

Aside from how awful it is to be sick, there's the fear.  Even though I know this is normal, just as an infant with a new stomach will sometimes get sick from food, getting sick makes me worry that something is wrong with my new digestive system.  There's also the fear that I'm moving backwards and will never be able to eat "normal" foods again.  Logically I know I'm only a month out from surgery -- that it's going to be six months before any sense of "normal" can be found.  But it's not easy for me to be logical.

There's also the problem being sick creates with getting enough protein. When I've been sick I don't want to eat anything the rest of the day.  At the most, I want to sip broth. That's fine, but where are my 50 grams of protein going to come from?  I can make things better by having my daily protein shake first, but then what?  Even on the best days, getting another 20 - 30 grams of protein in takes a lot of focus.  There's been three days this past week when I haven't hit the minimum.   I can draw a line quite easily between those days and the days when I don't start my day with a shake. 

I worry a lot about not getting my minimum amounts of protein and water in (though the water has never been as big a problem for me).  I don't want to find myself getting sick because I've left my body's protein stores vulnerable. 

So what to do with a new week?  I want to try and start hitting 60 grams of protein a day. so ?

1. Recognize that for me, eating protein first means starting the day with a protein shake.  There's just no two ways about it.
2. Eat soft proteins that I know work for me, like tuna and cottage cheese and such.  I can wait until next week to try chicken or beef again. 
3. Put very small amounts on my plate and focus on eating slowly. 
4. Use Fitday so I know if I need a second protein shake as an after dinner snack.
5. I want to up my water / liquids to 62 oz a day since the weather is getting warmer.
6. I will take my first month pictures and ask HWLBO to do new measurements.

Things to celebrate:

• I've stopped snoring according to HWLBO!
• I always hit my water (40 oz a day). 
• I can walk longer and have more energy.
• I'm off the pain meds.

So there are good things too.  But as I start a new week I need to remember that I'm not done recovering yet.  This isn't all automatic and I need to keep my focus so I can get well and be successful. 

Moving More

I'm still tired a lot, but find myself doing more things.  I don't think I need to be coaxed out for walks as much as I used to and want to walk for longer distances and times.  (We're still talking about like a mile or so and taking some hour or so doing it). 

Yesterday I even came up with an exercise idea.  We went and played mini golf!  The place we went (called "Malibu Castle," even though it's in Redondo Beach) was a bit seedy and rundown with one of the two courses closed, but it was still fun.  I thought it might be a little too relaxed to count as my "exercise" but I'd forgotten how much bending over is part of mini golf.  And chasing too as my ball seemed not to ever want to go up a ramp without rolling back down again.  After HWLBO beat me soundly by 17 strokes (sounds very pervvy, but not, really), we went into the arcade.  Not content with that victory, he went on to beat me at air hockey (my first game ever!) 7 - 2.  Air hockey is also more exercise than you might think -- I ended up feeling all hot and sweaty after losing.  Still fun though.  Next time I may make my embarrassment complete and try the batting cages.  =8-0

Today I didn't do very much walking.  It was my week to pick a movie so we went and saw The Interpreter , a thriller directed by Sydney Pollack and starring Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn.  I wasn't expecting too much, but the film was really quite good.  It was great too to see the shots filmed inside the United Nations.  Very cool.

This weekend we're spending both days at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books held each year at the UCLA campus.  We've got tickets to book discussions for both Saturday and Sunday, with time in between to browse and look at some of the author stages.  I've wanted to go every year since the first one, but somehow always managed to have something else the weekend it was happening.  So this is a very cool way to get my walking in.  I'm not sure if we're driving to campus or being good Santa Monicans and taking the Blue Bus into campus. 

I keep trying to imagine what it'll be like to have more energy as my body gets smaller.  But I can't really picture it yet.  Even though I'm walking more, my feet still get very sore (I have bone spurs on the heels of both feet).  I get chafing between my thighs (ugh!) and can get hot and sweaty faster than seems possible.  Still, I'm hanging in there -- sleeping about 10 hours a night and trying to imagine my body being busy burning fat. 

My 3 Week Appointment

Yesterday I went over to USC Hospital for my 3 week appointment.  Surprise, they took me early!  It was all very quick, but the highlights are:

1)  I've lost 27 pounds since the date of surgery --  my BMI has gone from 60.1 to 54.9.  Yes, I'm still super obese, but am no longer "super super," so that's a plus.

2)  healing is going well -- perfectly according to Dr. Kaufman.  I'm apparently a "good healer," which I can't feel proud of as it must be good genes, but makes me happy anyway.

3)  they were glad to hear that I'm taking a multivitamin already each day.  They said to use it for 3 more weeks and then they'll be putting me on the more powerful prenatals.

4) Dr. Kaufman advised me to avoid meat for a little while longer and just have fish.  He also suggested that next time I try meat I try it on its own in very tiny bits.  If it still doesn't go down, then they want to check and make sure my stomach has healed in an okay shape.  I'm happy with sticking to fish -- I like it better anyway!

I had a lot of questions I forgot to ask because I didn't bring notes with me.  Next time.  One thing I did ask was about lifting as I'm feeling a lot stronger.  The answer was a ringing "no!" as apparently in the next month my body will be doing lots of internal healing.  Therefore I need to try and avoid strain. 

I felt great leaving the hospital and could even keep pace with HWLBO walking down the street to our parking meter (which had had 6 free hours left on it when he found it!).  We stopped by Whole Foods on the way home so I could get some little bits of fish.  One of the cool things about eating so little is I can get very expensive organic fish.  Wild salmon, shrimp and crab.  Yummy.   I also got a small pack of spicy tuna rolls which I ate, sans rice, over the course of the day.   Another week or two and I'll definitely be ready for sushi.  If only my pocketbook is!

So anyway, we got home and suddenly my energy was gone.  I settled down at 3 for what I expected would be an hour or two nap and woke up (reluctantly, I think the phone had rung) at 7!  I really have to believe a large part of my healing is due to sleep. When I have energy, I have plenty of it, but when it's gone, I'm definitely out of gas and very much need sleep.

We went over to friends for the evening and to pick up an old mac that HWLBO needed for a project.  They claimed to be able to tell I've lost weight, something that excited me, but I'm not sure.  I mean, I know they know about the surgery.  Still, it's nice to imagine that it shows.

Oh and speaking of gas -- the Unical 76 station near USC must have the cheapest gas in Los Angeles.  We're going to fill up later today when HWLBO drives me back over for my support group meeting.   I'm really glad I can go this month as I'm going to have to miss the May one since I'll be in Portland.   I was also sorry yesterday that I didn't get to see Maria, so I'm glad that I'll be able to talk to her tonight.

The Stinkin' Truth

One of the side effects of duodenal switch surgery that people seem to worry a lot about is bad smelling gas and bowel movements.  I've read some places where DS patients compare their gas to WMD and talk about being able to peel away wallpaper.  Out of this has grown the mistaken belief that DS patients smell bad all the time (not true as far as I can tell, even for the ones with gas).

At a little over 2 weeks out, so far none of this is true for me.  I have way less gas than I did before surgery (waaaay less) and what I have doesn't seem to have much odor.  That said, I'm mostly eating protein with few carbs and only a little fat, so maybe that will change?  I hope not.  I seem to be able to hold it in better than before too, maybe because there's less of it.  Who knows?  As to bowel movements, well, here's the TMI warning -- leave now if you don't wanna hear about poop.

The first few days out of the hospital, I had a once or twice daily dark, watery movement accompanied by a (loud) explosion of gas.  My sister told me she had the same post RNY -- she thinks it was the blood and stuff left in the intestines.  Anyway, then I had a worrying two days without any movements, just twice daily gas.  Now, well, it's 1 - 2 times a day, usually within an hour of me getting up and sometimes once in the evening.  It's lighter colored -- soft but firm if that makes sense, and much smaller (probably due to the small amount of food I'm eating) than before surgery.  It does smell, but I don't think it smells any worse than BMs smelled before surgery.  A puff of Oust and it seems to be resolved.

My husband has been teasing me for being alarmist, as I'd warned him about the terrible smelling gas I'd be inflicting on us post-up.  Said gas has not appeared.  What is true though is that while I've always had a pretty good sense of smell, I can now smell everything -- any food, any flower, any odor, from rooms and rooms away.  I've taken sythroid daily for 10 years and only just noticed what they smell like (sweet with a bit of chemical something). 

Anyway, this may all change and I'll be remembering these days with fondness.  But for now, well, I can smell everything, but I don't have any new bathroom smells to report.

What's the Rush?

I'm eating and drinking too fast.  Mostly eating.  I have no idea why, but after a week of really great experiences eating nice and slow, yesterday and today both I've had the horrible, painful experience of having eaten too fast.

This means both times I ate one bite too much.   Once was with some refried beans.  That was yesterday, I know in part because I was enjoying the taste so much.  Today it was boiled shrimp.  They were medium and chilled.  Perfect.  In my pre-op days, I know I could have had a pound of them.  I thought I was going slow enough, but as I finished the fourth one, I had the horror of realizing I'd had more than enough.  I tried sitting still for a few minutes, but I felt so terrible I finally went to my room to lie down, convinced that these were going to be my first item to come up and feeling like an idiot for letting this happen two days running.  Needless to say I was really scared too, imagining how much my ab muscles, still sore from retraction, were going to hurt.  HWLBO gently admonished me not to be so pathetic (I wasn't being! It really hurt a lot and I wanted sympathy even if I did do it to myself ::sniff::) so I gave him my look of death.  Or I tried anyway. He also put the heating pad on my sore side which made him a hero even if he did think I was being a little overly pathetic. 

Surprise, I fell asleep and didn't wake up for about 3 hours.  When I did, the pain was gone, thank heavens.  I'm going to try and be more careful.  It's easy to forget how much change was done to my body, but I'm going to try and keep it in mind. 

Recovering!

The blog hasn't been updated as much as I'd like in the past week.  In part that's because I've been resting a lot and also because my mom is staying with me until Wednesday and I've wanted to spend time with her.  Finally, since I can't lift my laptop myself (it's an old school powerbook) it seems to keep getting itself into places where I can't work.  Anyway, this coming week will be better, I hope.

Overall, I'm feeling good.  Every day has been better than the one before it.  Getting 40 oz of water was a huge struggle the first few days.  Now I can get up to 64 oz if I concentrate.  Same with protein.  I log my food on FitDay  (which I would pay for if they made their software for macs) and have gotten between 45 and 60 grams of protein each day for the past three days.  I take one suppliment drink a day (I always plan on two, but it seems to work out as one) and generally at least 1/2 of a protein bar.  Plus a lot of cottage cheese and tuna.   I've found I can eat more than I thought so long as I eat very slowly with tiny bites.  It's hard though.  I've made the mistake a few times of eating too fast.  Last night I felt like there was no hope for it -- I was going to be ill, but then I lay on the bed for twenty minutes and felt better.  Will be more careful though.  I must keep remembering that my stomach is very small. 

I have a bit of swelling in my ankles when I stand or sit with my feet down too long.  This is strange for me as I've never had problems with my feet swelling before.  I'm drinking a cup or two of decaff green tea every day to try and cleanse my system a bit. It seems to be helping a bit.

Walking is going well too.  I can go quite a ways so long as we're going slow.  On Friday my mom and I shopped much of the  day: first at Whole Foods in the morning and then, since I felt pretty good when we got back, we went to TJ Maxx Plus in Westchester near LAX.  I was excited because my mom is a TJ Maxx junky and this store is about 4X bigger than any other I'd seen.  We only did the first level and I sat down a couple of times, but still, I was out for hours.  She bought me a few things, including a huge bottle of SF vanilla syrup for only $6, plus we got a lot of stuff for my younger brother and his girl friend who moved into their first apartment (well, really it's a very cute duplex) this past weekend.  We didn't look at the clothes -- TJ Maxx has next to nothing other than shoes that fit me.  Plus I was tired by then. 

I'm still on pain medication, but rather than taking it every four hours, I'm taking it every 8 to 12.  My hope is that I won't need any today until bedtime.  If that's the case, then the bottle I have may last until next week, at which point I may not need anything.

I want to take a few pictures of my flowers before they die completely (one bowl from Eloise and her wife already passed :( ).  If I get around to it, I'll post one of the pictures here.  They were truely gorgous -- so big that nurses were coming in just to see them.  From my parents, of course. 

HWLBO didn't bring me flowers.  He did bring me a DVD of The Incredibles which I've wanted since I saw it (twice) in the theaters last year.  2004 may have been a lean year for film, but this, I think was the best movie of the year for sure. My mom agreed after seeing it.   I've watched it already complete with all the extras.

Mostly I'm feeling a little stir crazy and want to be out of the apartment.  I do get tired suddenly an need to rest, but I'm feeling really good.  70 - 80 degree temperatures with sunny skies here in Santa Monica have  definitely helped.