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Fitday & Hostess: WTF?

Weight: 195

Log into Fitday to record food / protein.Cakes_header

Cue ghostly fading in of cream-filled cakes both below and to the right of the journal feature.  Have them repeat at every new screen.

3 cakes = 100 calories. 

Wonderful.

This new relationship is not helping my carb issues.  What's next Fitday?  Ads for diet Snicker bars? 

Thoughts anyone?

Added 7/17/08: Alison is right in her second reply.  Below is a screen shot of my journal entry page as of this morning (you can click on it for a larger version).  The words "not really helpful" do leap to mind. 

Picture_1

For anyone about to helpfully suggest I consider paying for Fitday's software so I don't have to put up with any ads, let me just say I'd love to and have twice tried to do so.  Unfortunately, as they told me 3 years ago, Fitday doesn't think writing a version of their software for the macintosh is worthwhile as "such a small number of people" use them.  I think I know all of you.  Much as I like Fitday, I don't think they're worth breaking off my 22 year relationship with my macs.

Okay, enough.  Grumpy is going to get some iced coffee and a walk.

July 16, 2008 at 11:04 PM in Carb Addiction, Eating, Rant | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (2)

Due Consideration

Yeah, this is going to be a rant.  It's been building for a while.  You have been warned.

Lately lack of consideration has been bothering me.  Maybe it's the fact it's almost summertime or something, but it sure feels like there's been more than usual. 

Some examples?

  • Heidi and the Wooden Shoes: The guy who lives upstairs has a girlfriend (yay for him) who stays over sometimes every night.  How do I know this?  Not because I'm the sort of neighbor who peeks through lace curtains to note the gossip-y comings and goings of those living around me.  No, really I'm not!  I know because she runs stomps up and down the stairs wearing wooden shoes.  Seriously, she couldn't make more noise if she tried -- it's damn impressive especially on the days I've noted that she's wearing running shoes.   Maybe I'm more sensitive to this one because when I weighed 200 pounds more than I do now I worried a lot about Being The Fat Girl and Making Too Much Noise when I walked.   So how much does la chica weigh?  Mayby 110.  And that would be after a heavy dinner.  So why haven't I talked to her about  it?  Because she seems really nice.  Seriously, this has been going on for a year now and I feel like if I tell her she'll be embarrassed to know she's been bugging us for this long.  Paul thinks I may be wrong for assuming she'd care.
  • Graduate students who come in at 4:55 PM with either very complex problems or "issues."  What is wrong with these people? Did no one ever tell them that when they're coming to an office to ask for favors and special help it's a good idea not to do it when people are trying to either leave for the day (hello? We close at 5 -- how many offices on campus have you noticed open until 7?) or have lunch.  Today I had a sign up on my office door "at lunch, back shortly" which did not stop three different people from knocking.  How do I know this?  I was inside trying to choke down my tuna salad. 
  • Hot Flash Woman: She gets on the bus at the very last stop before we get on the Santa Monica freeway.  The bus is snug and filled with about 100 people, many reading and getting ready for their work day.  She rants (seriously) at anyone who happens to be using their phone (I don't do it, but hey I don't care what anyone else does) and then sits down, generally somewhere near me (why I don't know).  She then starts fanning herself and opens the window.  Okay, it may be summertime, but we're in June gloom here people.  It's like 55 degrees in the morning.  She then throws open the window.  People start to shiver, pull on sweaters and the like.  One older man has the gall to ask her to please close the window -- we're on the freeway and it's freezing.  She refuses stating "I'm hot." In the words of the young man near me "that's what you think lady."

I know there's more.  Lots more.  But I can't remember them now.  Feh!

June 05, 2007 at 06:53 PM in Rant | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

Ezpy's Vagina Monologue

Weight: 166

Cal_1_event_14153_2There's been plenty already written in reaction to the Vagina Monologues suspensions at John Jay High School in Cross River, New York.  You probably already know about it, but just in case, the principal at the high school in question, Richard Leprine, had told the girls their performance of excerpts from the play "The Vagina Monologues" could not include the word "vagina" because the term was "inappopriate."  The line the three opted to read, in defiance of the order, was

My short skirt is a liberation flag in the women's army. I declare these streets, any streets, my vagina's country.

The girls were initally suspended for one day by their principal for having disobeyed his order. The suspension was overturned, despite the girls not having appealed it, by the president of the school board when it was pointed out that a male student had been allowed to say the word "fuck" in his performance without his being sanctioned.

One of the questions I had when I first started thinking about this issue is how could the author and work even have been cited as the performance source if the word "vagina" wasn't allowed to be uttered? Would the students have to have had to say "this selection is taken from a play with a title this school's principal deems too obscene even to be uttered"?  I suspect that wouldn't have gone over very well either.

A point some have made about the restriction on the term "vagina" was that

This isn’t censorship: it’s more akin to TV programmers avoiding more sensitive material until after the 9pm ‘watershed’

I could understand the "watershed" comment if the word used had been one of the FCC "bad words".  In fact, when I first started reading about this case, I had expected that the word was "cunt" which is also in the play and would have made the principal's objections more understandable.  But the word "vagina" is one that can be said on TV at any hour.  It's the correct medical term for that part of the body.  And it's actually part of the title of the play.  There isn't another word that could be put in its place to somehow be less obscene because the word itself isn't any sort of an obscenity.

The comment that he made initally that the reason the word wasn't to be allowed was that there were members of the audience who were very young.  This objection turned out to be false -- apparently the youngest audience members anyone can confirm were there were 13.  The original statements out of the principal were that the girls had defied their teachers, a statement which was denounced as false by the teachers themselves, who were apparently supportive throughout.  My feeling is that respect isn't some sort of default -- it has to be earned.  I haven't seen much regarding the principals actions in this case that would be worthy of respect.  Aside from everything else, he was apparently verbally outsmarted by three sixteen year olds, assuming because they didn't say they disagreed with him that he had their agreement not to use the term.  As the child of a retired high school vice principal and someone who themselves works with teens and twenty somethings, I don't find this impressive for a school administrator.  By contrast the girls made a good choice and were willing to take the fallout from it.  What more could one want from 16 year olds?

Also, the girls in question didn't request that their suspensions be overturned -- their original comments after the fact were that they expected to be suspended but decided leaving the play's language intact was worth taking whatever punishment the school might give.   The overturning of their suspension was a decision made by the school board president.   He decided that the decision to suspend them was incorrect because the orginal order to remove the material was not a correct one, especially given that, as stated above, a male student's use of the word "fuck" hadn't been questioned. 

School, especially public (or "state" for my UK friends) schools  are in an interesting position.  School attendence is required -- school is not a freely-made association that a club or even a place of employment might be.   Yet students remain part of a free society with free speech rights.  It is therefore important that schools not abridge the free speech of students unless doing so is absolutely necessary.  This clearly wasn't the case here -- another alternative could have been presented rather than attemption to restrict student speech.  If they issue was concern over audience sensibilities, the school could have included a mention in the program that selections from "The Vagina Monologues" were being performed.  One would guess an audience member, reading that, would realize that the word "vagina" might be used and could opt to leave if they didn't want to be exposed to the "v-word" word.  Instead, the restriction would seem to speak more to the principal's discomfort with normal medical terms for parts of the female body rather than anything to do with the content of the play itself. 

What bothers me most about this is not even the issue of censorship, but the fact that by is actions (which I have to think were done without a lot of thought) this principal went a long way toward inappropriately shaming and sexualizing the female students.  I don't have children, but I know from friends with teenage daughters that one of the hardest tasks they undertake is keeping their teens from developing shame about their bodies.

March 18, 2007 at 08:25 PM in Rant | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

What Mama Says OR Entitlement Anyone?

Weight 168

The other day over on her blog Melting Mama, Beth wrote about the belief by some weight loss surgery patients that they shouldn't have to pay full price for meals anymore when they eat out.  How do they get out of paying, you ask?  They ask /demand that their doctor's offices offer a card they can use to explain to restaurants that they should be able to get a half or child's price for their meal because they now have a really small stomach. 

Wanna know what I think of this?  Oh please, gag me.

I've watched this discussion happen a few times on weight loss surgery boards and it always, ALWAYS strikes me way more as about people wanting attention (see everyone, look at me, I can't eat very much) then being about saving money.  Trust me, if it was about saving money, I'd be all over these cards  -- I'm totally thrifty and we're pretty broke.  But that's not the issue of course.  Because pre-op they would have paid without question. 

This is the way it works for me.  If I can't afford the cost of a meal out, I don't go.  Or I go and just have coffee or a cup of soup.  There's honestly no law, even here in America, requiring us to dine out.  I have asked a few times to order something off the child's or senior's menu, explaining that I'm not very hungry, but always offering to pay an adult price.  Why you ask?  Because I'm a grown up. 

The fact is, going out to eat isn't and shouldn't be about the food.  If it was, we could all save a bundle and just stay home and cook. The quality and selection would be a lot better too.  Going out to eat is about being served, about -- well, going out. 

If you're really feeling like you're being taken at an "all you can eat" buffet (hint: perhaps not the best post-op choice), why not just take some 16 or 17 year old boy with you?  They can eat twice your and their weight and everything will even out.

Seriously, I've got a better and fairer idea for those who think that not being able to eat as much as they used to entitles them to a ticket to ride.  How about if the restaurants / buffets just weigh them going in and then coming out and charge based on the difference? 

No?  Then how about we who've been fortunate enough to have our lives saved by RnY or DS or LapBand surgery pay our money like everyone else.

February 17, 2007 at 02:44 PM in Duodenal Switch, Eating, Rant, Restaurants | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (1)

Blast From the Past

From Wednesday's comment selection on this post from 18 months ago (apparently 'moi' hadn't checked the date or read forward to see what life was like today):

nobody should tell you that you look great, because you don't. your obese and should do something about it! i know it may be hard, but being obese comes with countless health risks. I'm not trying to be mean or something, it's just that you should take care of yourself, having a healthy body is really important. i'm not going to tell you that i look like a model, but i'm watching my weight and i'm in the normal range. join weight watchers and a gym, it will keep you motivated and increase your energy levels. Good Luck!

My response was:

Thanks for your thoughts there moi.  However, I think your information is a bit incomplete.

At the point when that picture was taken I had had major surgery (the duodenal switch one that the site is about) too recently to do any exercise other than walking and yoga, which I did daily.  At 6 months post-op, after being cleared for it by my surgeon, I joined Easton Gym in Santa Monica and started a weight / cardio routine. 

You might want to move forward a bit on the blog. In the two and a half years since this entry I've lost another 140 or so pounds and just underwent a tummy tuck and hernia repair to fix some of the damage to my muscles and skin left by having been super morbidly obese.

But the day those pictures were taken, I did look and feel "great" at least relative to how I'd looked and felt a few months before. This was one of those moments, you know?  Earlier this week when I realized that I fit in size 10 jeans at Old Navy I wasn't as excited as I was this day, June 17 2005, the day that what were then my skinny jeans fit.

As I've thought about it since, this reader's comment has left me a bit amazed and with questions only they can answer.  I mean, how did they happen to surf into that post?  I know their IP address, but I don't know how they linked in there.  Maybe a search on "skinny jeans" led them here and they were disappointed to find pictures of someone who thought of size 26W as "skinny."  Maybe someone's deep linked this entry on a 'Mia or Ana site as a "don't let this happen to you" picture?  Or perhaps Weight Watchers has launched a really ill-advised new online campaign?

Dunno.

As you can probably guess from my reply, I was a bit annoyed when I read the comment.  The total lack of clue in terms of not checking the date of the entry or seeing what was current on the blog (especially since a new picture had gone up that day) bugged me.  Even more though, it reminded me of how okay some people feel it is to steal your sunshine when you're obese.  This was pretty clearly a "victory moment" entry written when I felt great and I'd received a lot of great affirmation for looking good.  I'd forgotten that in the minds of some, no one who's overweight can ever look good or has the right to express that they feel great.  That's just such a sad horrible mind frame, especially when it comes from someone who isn't "trying to be mean." 

Clearly I've gotten used to blending, used to not being attacked, at least not over my weight.  As Kim wrote in reply to the question "Are you different now," the world sure is kinder, softer and nicer to people who fall in the "normal weight" range.

But at the same time the comment pissed me off, I was also grateful for it.  Why?  Because going to read it meant I went and re-read that entry and got to remember how I felt that day, how excited I'd been and how cool it was. 

This afternoon I'm meeting a bunch of Los Angeles area DS pre and post-ops at Claim Jumpers (of all places for my tiny tummy -- hope someone will want to share dishes!).  I'm excited and nervous (why I'm awake this early on Saturday no doubt).  Remembering how good I felt that day will help me when I get dressed today.  If that makes sense. 

January 20, 2007 at 08:22 AM in Musings, Rant | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

Good Morning... or Not

Weight: No idea.  But as of this morning my size 10 cords are fitting again.

The day started out okay.  I've been able to sleep reasonably well for the past few nights so getting up this morning wasn't too hard. I'd planned in advance what I was going to wear and got out of the house in plenty of time.  The buses were on schedule so even though it's cold (for SoCal) here, I wasn't standing outside too long.  I got to work on-time.

And then things started turning to crap.  How so you ask?

Well, the biggie was discovering that my position may be eliminated for next year.  This would mean having to find a new graduate assistant job, not the easiest thing even though this is pretty low paying as real work goes.  Those of you who followed my blog through the summer of 2005 know that getting this job required no small amount of effort.  Because I plan to be on the academic job market next winter, there aren't a lot of departments on campus that would be happy to hire me (and no, I can't hide that this will be the case -- anyone looking at my resume who understands how the PhD process works would know) since the process involves a good amount of travel / time away. 

This could really suck.  Outcome should be known by the end of the month.  They think.  I know to people outside universities this sounds like a ton of notice.  But it isn't.  In my field, hiring and fellowship support are done about a year in advance. So I'm already behind in looking for a new job.  And will be 

Anyway, so I got back to my office planning to call a friend and whine about it only to find that my mobile phone (which admittedly has been limping in recent days) has finally given up the ghost.  It won't even work with the charger plugged in. So I need to spend some cash on a new phone at the end of the week.  Grrr!  Something that REALLY sucks is that there are phone numbers on my current phone that I don't have anywhere else.  No, I'm too much of an idiot to have backed them up.  So if this puppy won't turn on these are people who I'll just have to hope contact me at some point.  Great.

It's 10:20 AM.  How soon until I get to go home?

January 16, 2007 at 10:22 AM in Life, Rant | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

STRESS

121304_m_1 Sorry for being so silent.  I sort of just collapsed in a heap when we got back from Portland.  And then my sister and mom are in town for Eloise's surgery (more to come) and so I spent Sunday with the two of them.

There's been a lot of stuff that's gone on inside and outside my head and I've wanted to write about it.  As today was my first day back at work I'm beginning to see that the odds of me actually writing all of what I want to say aren't great.  So I'm going to do a short form and then fill it in later.

Family:

  • My brother and his girlfriend got engaged this weekend.  This is very happy news indeed.  They've lived together for the last 18 months and have been boyfriend / girlfriend since they were 16/14 respectively, so it's not a total surprise, but still, very happy news indeed.  And, more interesting still, judging from the ring my brother has fantastic taste in jewelery.  He chose and designed a beautiful elegant ring that's unique and classic looking all at once.  Who knew?  They want a late summer wedding but it may be tricky finding a church at this late date.  Fingers crossed for them!
  • Eloise (who is down to 190 from her high of 410 in case you need an update) had her spinal surgery this morning.  It was trickier then had been expected (which made it all the better that she was having it in Los Angeles with an world-class neurosurgeon rather than in Lima Ohio where she lives) because there were bone fragments that hadn't shown up on the MRI in her spinal canal that they found once the operation began.  Even so, the operation was significantly shorter then we expected and when I saw her late this afternoon, she seemed like she was doing great, especially for someone who just had spinal surgery!

Work:

  • Not too much to say other than that today was my first day back (a short day too as I left early to see Eloise and my mom at the hospital) and I'm suddenly really feeling a need for a holiday break -- didn't realize quite the degree to which mine was taken up with surgery and recovery.  This is very spoiled sounding as I only work two days a week on campus, but it's going to be a really rough month.  Paul and I have talked about taking a mini-vacation to somewhere like Catalina next month.  That would be really cool.
  • Speaking of work, my own research has been ignored / undone since surgery (tummy tuck, not the DS!).  I've got to get back to it.  I want to get back to it. (Repeat 5X.) But I'm also totally dreading the horror that is GETTING back into it.  I'm giving myself a pass until next week because of Eloise and the fact that work is about all my system can handle right now.  But I've got to get back to my own stuff.
  • This shouldn't be something I'm stressing about, but my practice is to borrow trouble where ever I can find it.  Paul has been working free-lance the past couple months, moving from project to project.  He earns way more than I do doing that, but I still feel totally stressed by the fact we can't predict our income month-to-month.  I've got to learn to let go of this -- he's very able to support himself (and a share of me come to that) and is in a field where his skills are actually valued.   But I'm such the security junkie!

Me:

  • It's been 4.5 weeks since surgery and I'm not yet feeling at full power.  Maybe 75%.  Maybe.  Along the incision lines (which are healing quite nicely), I get little bumps that look like pimples.  I've learned that if I put antibiotic ointment and a bandage on them, in the morning suture line (which looks alarmingly like high test fishing line) is poking out.  Normal and healthy, but it still creeps me out.  I'm such a wuss.
  • I need to get into see my surgeon, but have been having trouble reaching anyone at the office.  I found my direct number to her PA today, so hopefully I'll have an appointment by the end of tomorrow.
  • I made the choice today to go off the pain meds.  I'm not sure I can hold to it -- there's still a lot of random muscle pain -- but I'm hoping to.  Aside from the other side effects, the pain pills leave me feeling a bit muddled and unfocused.
  • Between the cold I had, surgery, and not being able to sleep on my stomach, my lungs are still feeling like crap and I'm having to use my inhaler.  I hate that.
  • Reading this over I can tell there's some post-op depression going on here.  I hate that too and know I can't ignore it.  But it just makes me feel pissed off at myself.

Friends:

  • Not that I was any great shakes before the tummy tuck, but in the last month I've fallen behind on returning phone calls, emails and getting together with friends.  This seems crazy, but some days even answering email feels way too much to ask.  And yet they join the things left undone pile and leave me feeling bad about that too.
  • I value them, but I sure don't treat them like it.

Reading this over, the self-pity makes me want to delete it.  But I also want to let it go.  And so I guess instead of deleting, I'll spread it around a bit.  There have been some good things too (and yeah, I did write about my brother which is great).  Tomorrow will be a post about good things.

Good night!

January 09, 2007 at 11:29 PM in Life, Rant | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

SHAME: Vitamin Shoppe

Shame on Vitamin Shoppe!  Vitamin Shoppe is doing trackback blog spam!  Shame, Shame Shame!

I was just trying to update some stuff on this blog and realized that attached to about a third of the product review entries was trackback spam from The Vitamin Shoppe.

In the last hour I've deleted the trackbacks, blocked their ip address, and sent them an email telling them what slimes I think they are (really slimey slimes in case you're wondering) and that they've had the last bit of money from me (as I've shopped there before) because ethical companies don't spam.  And here I am I'm calling them out in public too. 

So there you have it. 

December 17, 2006 at 07:24 PM in Rant | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

I'm Not Mom

Adele Haze who writes a blog I read (it's an adult subject blog by an adult fetish model soRor02 think before you click) recently wrote an entry about a PlayStation2 game called "Rule of Rose."  It's apparently stirring up controversy in Europe for having adult content (dark and sadomasochistic images as well as lesbian overtones).  There have been moves in Europe to ban it there because it's not the sort of subject matter children should be exposed to,  Sony US decided not to release it here for fear of controversy -- it's being distributed here by another, smaller game company.

I don't want to get into reviewing the game or its content except to say that, despite reviews saying the actual play is a bit slow / clunky, it sounds like something I'd enjoy.  But whether I would or not is beside the point.   What the point, for me, is that by expecting that every game released be suitable for children, other adults like myself are being forced by parents into living in their child-safe bubble.   This, in my opinion, isn't right.  There are books, films, places and, yes, games that are intended for adults.  They are not appropriate for children nor should they have to be.  It's the responsibility of parents to keep their own children away from them.  Not to rid the world of the item, but to decide what is and isn't appropriate within their own households and those they allow their children to frequent.

In other words, leave me out of it.  I don't have children and I don't plan to.  I don't tend to frequent places with children -- my interests and tastes are largely adult.   The students I work with are already adults .  If my husband and I wanted to live in a child-safe world we would.  Parents need to just say no to games you don't think are appropriate for their families and not expect this to be done by passing laws the effect adults.  PS2 games are about $30 - $50.  Where would kids get that kind of cash if not from their parents? 

This is an old issue for me, but one that keeps coming up.  A couple of years ago on my other blog, I wrote a review of Grand Theft Auto: San Andres.  In it I commented on the this very topic writing

In getting links and pictures together for this blog entry, I came across a lot of [writing by] mothers and educators worrying about the effect playing this game (the cite it specifically) would have on their 11 year olds. Excuse me? Why would you let your 11 year old play with this? The game costs $50 -- they can't buy it with their lunch money. This is an old rant for me, but it bothers me when parents think the world needs to be made kid-proof. My mom and dad decided I wouldn't see any R rated movies, even on cable, until I was 13. Even then, until I was 16 I had to check with them and they usually prescreened them or watched them with me. GTA isn't written to target 11 year-olds. The game is written for those of us who were teens in the 1980s and early 1990s -- people who are now in their twenties and thirties. I'm basing this the music and sense of humor. Please, parents, I beg you to keep track of what games your kids are playing. Me? I'd like to see adult movies, books and games safe from the daycare crowd.

It's true that when my parents bought our family's first Atari system the games were all intended for children.  But times and technology have changed.  Further, there's a whole generation now in their 30s and even 40s who've been playing computer and video games since their teens.  It only makes sense that game makers now write games for an adult market in addition to the child one. 

Personally I'm going to try and get a copy of "Rule of  Rose" to play while I'm recovering after my surgery next month.  I promise that after I finish with the game, when I pass it along afterwards it will be to another adult.  Now if only I could get parents to promise not to try and take toys away from the grown-ups.

November 20, 2006 at 02:15 PM in Fangirl, Rant | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1)

Political Entry

Weight: 185.5 (pharmacy scale)

Just an FYI.  If my political statements bother you, that's just the way it is.  Writing to me privately isn't going to change my mind nor make me not write about political stuff here.  This blog is my own and the point of view represented here is mine.  So my advice would be that if you're disturbed by my politics / social opinions or even the fact I've had weight loss surgery, don't read here.  Or do, but don't expect me to change or engage in private email debates.  You're welcome to leave a comment saying I'm an ass for thinking whatever.  I won't delete it but don't expect to change my mind.  You'd just be wasting good pixels.

I've been active to varying degrees (including professionally) in progressive / left politics since I was 15.  I'm socially, politically and religiously far far left of center and have only become more so as I've gotten older.  I believe in society taking care of its weak, elderly and children.  I believe in universal health care.  I believe that in a nation as rich as ours there should be no one hungry.  I believe the choice to have or not have a child is between women and their doctors and no one else.  I think gays and lesbians should be able to marry and that religions should have no voice in politics and that politics have no place in church.  Like Edward R. Morrow, I think dissent, whether from the left or the right is much more American than any amount of flag waving or blind loyalty. 

That's about it.  I just wanted you to know.

"We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. When the loyal opposition dies, I think the soul of America dies with it."  ~Edward R. Murrow

November 08, 2006 at 03:28 PM in Blogs, Rant | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack (1)

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  • A Day in An Often Overwhelming Life
  • A Girl Worth Losing
  • almost gastric bypass
  • Aunt Marvel Salad
  • BitchinSpin
  • Bitchypoo
  • Finding Onederland
  • Girassol
  • Go Fug Yourself
  • H-Man
  • Half of Me
  • Hopeful Loser
  • Insert Funny Creative Name Here
  • Inside Out and Upside Down
  • Living Juicy
  • Melting Mama
  • North Gare
  • Read This Sign
  • Sarah Et Cetera
  • Shake What Ya Mama Gave You
  • The Ongoing Adventures of Naked Girl

Helpful

  • Bariatric Eating
  • Duodenal Switch Information Zone
  • fatfighterblogs.com
  • FitDay
  • SCADS - Southern California Duodenal Switch
  • The Pretty Pear
  • USC Division of Surgery, Obesity Program
  • Vitalady
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