A Smaller Target

The Double Century Moment

Weight: 166 (on the pharmacy scale, wearing clothes)

I sort of guessed this had happened when I stepped on the pharmacy scale at 'SC yesterday.  Despite my cords and layers I weighed in at 167.5.  But I wasn't quite ready to claim it yet.

Today I weighed 166.  I've lost 201 pounds from my high weight (one month before surgery) and 191 from my morning of surgery weight (post-bowel prep wearing nothing but a hospital gown).

It's hard sometimes for me to wrap my mind around the changes that have taken place in the past 21 months.  Because that's it -- I had surgery March 24 2005. 

The day of surgery I wore a men's size 3X shirt and a size 5X skirt.  Both were a little snug.  My shoe size was 8.5W.  My wedding ring was a size 9.5.

Today I'm wearing new clothes.  A hot pink shirt from A/X, size medium and a black tulip skirt from Banana Republic, size ten.  My shoes are Prada loafers, size 37 (think that's either a 7 or 7.5) and the wedding band I've been wearing since Christmas is a size 6.  I can walk miles and miles, run if I want, sit anywhere including in chairs with arms or on my husband's lap, fit in our tub -- so many things.  My husband can pick me up and move me around if he wants (strange that). 

And as of today, there's 201 pounds less than me.

UPDATE: As you can see above, I had Paul snap a picture of me when I got home today.  It was dark, the flash was harsh and I'd been dressed in my clothes since 6am and I'm still wearing a binder that goes to my calves.  But hey, I look pretty happy, yes?  :)

Outlet Shopping

Weight 178

My mom, Paul and I went down to Woodburn to do a little outlet mall shopping.  The excuse was that my mom wanted to get Paul some jeans for his birthday in February.  The real reason, I think, was that my mom and I both wanted to look at clothes.  Paul, who likes to shop for some things but not clothes, was sort of along for the ride. 

We got Paul some jeans at the Levi's store and then split up a bit.  My mom got some great things at the Jones of New York store, including a lovely cream sweater (size medium) for me (originally $80, marked down to $26) that I plan to wear tomorrow to the evening tamale making-party, despite the danger of getting chili on it.

I went off to Gap and Banana Republic in search of a pair of jeans I could maybe wear for the next week or two, my size 16s being way too big and size 12s being still too small in the thighs.  I bought a pair of chocolate brown tab front slacks in size 14.  They're warm and cute, but a bit too low rise.  Still, for $12.99, I was an easy sale.  I also got a gray zip fleece pullover.  It's a little too big (a large) but warm and was $6.  I couldn't pass it up.  At Banana I got a black knee-length full skirt in taffeta (size 12)  for $15 and a lovely black wool tulip skirt (also knee length) in a size 10 for $29.  And I got to charge it on my Old Navy card.  Woot!  Even if I count the sweater (which I didn't pay for) I still came in under $100.  Got to love Oregon and it's "no sales tax" shopping.   

I came home smug with my haul, tried everything on for my mother and then helped my mom sort through her closet and dump all the clothes of hers that she's gotten too small for (lots!).  And also tried on a few things.  Mostly her clothes are all too big for me now, but there was a lovely designer coat suit that's a 14/16 which fits me (at least the slacks do) and is just gorgeous.  I'm going to see if I can get the coat altered down to fit me without having it actually cut down.  By next winter it should fit my mom again so I don't want to make it too small.  I'll try and get a picture of me in it.   

The kitchen is smelling delightful, with all sorts of chili sauces cooking away in preparation for the tamale party tomorrow.  I swear I can taste the air.  But my cold is keeping me from helping.  I only hope I'm over it tomorrow.

We're Having a Heat Wave

No seriously.  This insane.  It was freaking 98 degrees on campus / in downtown Los Angeles today and 89 in Santa Monica.  As I'm typing this, I'm wearing a sundress and, at 5:05 pm and after sunset, it's still 83 degrees.  Just so you know, this would be hot in July.  In fact I don't think it got into the high 80s in Santa Monica during most of the summer.

This isn't a segue into a plea to think of global warming when you vote tomorrow (though you should) but rather to talk about clothing.  You see, I've bought some clothes for winter in the past week.  Cords, as I discussed here, a red sweater and a cute charcoal grey skirt from Old Navy.  Black tights.  I'm really ready to move to a fall wardrobe.  So yesterday I walked out of the house to find that I was clearly dressed for the wrong climate.  November, standard-time, Thanksgiving travel plans, not-with-standing, it's still summer here.  And my new winter clothes must wait. 

This weekend was kind of quiet.  I spent a lot of time reading Jasper Fford (lovely stuff) and playing Dragon Quest viii on the PlayStation.  I spent much of Sunday wandering around Santa Monica and prowling through the clothes at Goodwill.  I'm trying not to brag here, but as far as thriftstore shopping goes S-C-O-R-E!  A pair of Lucky Brand mossy green cords in size 31 with back patch pockets (wanted some of those) that fit me perfectly (including being made with some extra room in the thigh and hips, just where there's extra me).  Price at the Lucky Brand store on Third Street (they still carry them, though with slightly slimmer legs and lower rise this season)?  $167!  Price at Goodwill?  $6!

And I swear they've never been worn more than a couple of times if at all.  There's no sign of wear and the little threads from the tags are still on the waistband.   Very exciting!  And then when I was waiting for the line to go down (very busy shopping day), I noticed some very very cute black commuter shoes that had clearly never been worn.  I say "clearly never been worn" because they still had tissue in the toes and the soles were still shinny rubber.  I've been eyeing some from Puma for a while, but $80 seemed a little steep (who am I kidding, $30 seems a little steep just now).  Anyway, these were from ColeHaan / Nike's line and sort of a cross between a t-strap mary jane and a running shoe.  I was mostly looking at them because I liked the style and color (black with tan stitching), but they looked way too small.   

Then I remembered that my feet are small now.  And these size 7 shoes fit me perfectly.  I'm wearing them now.  Here's a picture of the current model (I suspect mine are last years).  Mine look the same, only with a visually stronger t-strap and sporty tan white contrast stitching.  They're currently selling for $135 at shoes.com.  I paid $6. 

They're really comfortable too.  And I think they look just right with my sundress and jean jacket -- kinda sporty / casual. It's my first time for shoes from Goodwill and I suspect it won't be a common practice because what are the odds of new shoes (I'm kind of weirded out by the idea of wearing used shoes) in my size in styles I like?

Anyway, a good day thrifting.

Fashion and the Fat Girl

Weight: 181.6

I've talked a little bit about how it feels to shop now.  Weird, if we just want to use a single word.

Clothes fit now from pretty much any store you can think of and I still can't get my head around that idea.  When my mom was visiting last month she took me on a bit of a shopping binge... the sort of thing she hasn't been able to do since I was in high school. 

It was totally strange.  I mean, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.  For the jeans that were still too small even in the largest size available.  (I'm sure they exist, but I didn't try any "slim leg" designs.)

Sure, I knew I was mostly a size 12 at Old Navy.  But did that really mean I could also wear clothes from Anthropologie?  It did.

The thing with Anthropologie is hard to explain.  This is a store that didn't exist the last time I was a 12.  When it opened I remember looking at the clothes with longing.  They're the sort of funky boho kind of thing I've always liked.  And I also remember thinking that I'd never be able to have anything from there that I could wear.  Last year when I was pre-op and wandering around, trying to get my head around the idea of being smaller, I remember walking by the Anthropologie on Third Street and thinking, "maybe I'd even be able to wear something from there." 

I confided that fantasy to a friend of mine and she said, "hey, you can buy stuff other than clothes there, no need to be unrealistic in your expectations."

She wasn't being mean.  Remember, at the time, I was going to need to lose about 50 pounds before I even fit into a size 28W.  Thinking of me in a size 14 wasn't realistic at all.

But anyway, my mom took me there because she saw my fantasy dress on the 'fridge.  As it turned out it was sold out.  But she made me try on other stuff.  And it fit.  Or rather, the size 12 stuff fit, every single bit of it.  The size 14s were too big.  And the sales girl thought I should be trying on 10s, something that made me feel almost dizzy.  I wouldn't even try. 

She bought me a lovely red sundress to wear for my grandmother's 100th birthday party next month.  A very cute sweater to cover my arms.  And a little skirt that's hard to describe, but adorable too.  All the clothes were cute and they all fit, even the ones that weren't flattering.  Am I repeating myself?  I am, but it was just mind blowing.

And then we went to Banana Republic and the size 14 pants my mom found for me were too big.  I needed a 12.  At that point, very quietly in my dressing room I started crying.  Because it suddenly seemed real that all these stores were open to me now after being places I just browsed so I'd know what sorts of clothes and colors were in.

She determined the very cute skirt needed a red tee shirt.  But they're in short supply this year.  We tried at Old Navy, Banana, Gap, J Crew and American Eagle and while there were clothes at all of them that fit, it seemed that orange is the new red this year and my deep red tee shirt remained hidden.

As we walked back to the car, my mom suggested one last stop at Express... she'd seen some hints of red in their window display.  Sure enough there was the red tee shirt.  The medium fit but I bought a large because it covered more of my arms. 

Express.  I had clothes from there when I was 14. 

I saved all the bags.  They, like they clothes themselves, feel as much like trophies as anything could. 

Blogging Around

Weight 180

My mom and dad were visiting this weekend.  It was great to get to spend time with her.  We shopped on Monday and she bought me some of the cutest clothes I've had since high school (more on that later).  It was so sweet of her. 

But anyway, that's why it's been so darn quiet.  Well, that and this is just an insane week at work?  How insane?  Tomorrow I apparently have to catch at 4:30 AM bus so I can be here at 6AM.  Yeah baby. 

There may not be enough coffee on earth to help me cope with that.  Marybeth reminded me she wakes up at 4:15 every morning. In o so many ways I wish I were her.  But hey, knowing her is pretty good. 

So, what to write about today?  Well, surfing around yesterday I noticed this post at Hello I Am Fat.   The writer is thinking about wls.  (She also thinks my blog is awesome so I'm a bit biased toward her -- it happens).  As I followed the links from the comments, I noticed discussion of the blogger over here. 

I wrote this rather epic comment in reply before realizing I should really blog about this here:

This is such a tough subject. I read Anne's blog too and was a bit surprised to see her thinking about weight loss surgery.

Then again, given that I've always been all about accepting / loving my body, had a good (well, as good as most women) self image, was a huge coward about knives and such, had a loving partner and never had much problem finding friends or lovers, a number of people were really surprised when 18 months ago I told them I was having duodenal switch surgery (that's a form of gastric bypass). Especially given that 10 years before I'd backed out of RnY surgery after going through the education and insurance approval process.

The thing is though, what I felt like I was losing and what tipped me into going to the doctor and telling them I wanted a weight loss surgery consult was that I was losing my health. I couldn't walk more than a couple miles in a day without my feet hurting so much the next day I could hardly stand. My liver was being invaded by fat and its functions were slowing down. And my body just hurt.

That last is probably not very specific, but its true. It hurt so much that some days I could hardly make myself get out of bed.

What I realized when I faced that I weighed 367 pounds was that at 37 I might not have another 10 years to diet. And if I hadn't been able to lose the weight with dieting from age 12 to 37 (going from 130 to 367 in the process), to think I was going to be able to do it in the next ten was the height of unlikely. Or, as my doctor said when I asked him if I'd be a good candidate for wls, "better than you will be in 10 years when you're recovering from your first heart attack."

Yikes!

So 13 months ago I had my stomach made smaller and my intestines re-routed. I've lost 187 pounds and more dress sizes then I can count. My largest jeans were size 36. My last pair were a 12.

Is it all golden? No. I've lost foot as a provider of calm and comfort. But I can backpack again. I get nasty gas if I eat sugar. But I can buy clothes from stores and try them on rather than being stuck with catalogs. I've got piles of excess skin. But my liver is functioning normally again.

I may not live as long as someone who has never been super morbidly obese and then had weight loss surgery. I may not even live longer then I would have if I'd not had the surgery. Who knows?

Sorry for being so long winded. :)

Points in the blog entry and the comments that followed that I was sort of stunned by (though why I'm not sure) were:

• that someone who fit into a 14 (or 20 for that matter) considered themselves "fat."
• that the discussion about weight loss surgery seemed to be more related to appearance then health.

First, I guess because I started so large, by the time I got down to a size 24 I'd already lost almost 100 pounds.  Yes, I was still fat, I guess, but by then I sure wasn't seeing myself as fat.  I thought I looked pretty cute.  Maybe I was kidding myself, but heck, it's all about how we see ourselves anyway. By the time I was size 20, I felt great.  Technically I would have still qualified for wls at that stage, but I felt good.  That's when I started working out like crazy and just enjoying how much better my body felt.  I'd lost over 125 pounds by then and would have been happy stopping there.

Okay, since then I've lost another 50 or so and another 6 sizes -- no doubt as much to do with working out or walking for hours most days then .  Yes, it's good and thrilling to be in a 14 or 12, no lie, but this has never been about appearance for me.  It's been about health and mobility. I wouldn't have put myself through this for vanity.  Most of my vanity is caught up in head issues -- things like my dissertation, if I'm as smart (and seen as being as smart) as my friends, whether I write well, people noticing that my spelling sucks, things like that.

Maybe focusing on my brain over the last 20 years has been a way of coping with my body feeling so out of my control, but for whatever reason, even at 360-plus, my body image was better at 37 then it was at 17 when I weighed 140.  Or at least I was less obsessed with it.  I wonder, to a degree, if this is a function of basically being rather sick by the time I had surgery or if it's more about being in my last 30s rather than 20s.  In my 20s it was a lot easier to carry more weight.  As I got older, what my mom warned me would happen did.  It got a lot harder.   

One of the reasons it's been so surprising that people don't recognize me now, at least not until they hear my piercing, nasal voice, is that I've never felt defined by my weight.  Yet, being overweight did define me to others. 

That seems profound somehow.  And sobering. 

Welcome Back MaryBeth!

Weight 188.2

What do you know?  Three days of avoiding sugar and my weight is back to where it was last week.  Or it could be that my TMO is indeed now and the weight was my pmsing.  Or it could have been salt or the heat.  Whatever.  Anyway, it was nice to be back out of the 190s, hopefully never to return.

But on to happier news!  On February 1, 2005, I used a blog entry to say goodbye to MaryBeth.  She wrote a wonderful blog over a period of years that took a number of us with her through her duodenal switch surgery, recovery, weight loss and the reconstructive surgeries that followed.  It was a beautiful journey, made all the moreso by her candor and wonderful writing.  Last year she took it down for personal reasons.  I understood why, but I've missed hugely.  Therefore it's with great joy that I found out that MaryBeth has a new blog.   Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

There are some other great duodenal switch patient blogs out there.  Some are listed in the sidebar, some aren't (I've plans to redo the side bar this weekend).  These are the ones I read (or at least check) daily:  Kim, Sharon, Alison, Starr and Jenn.  I know I don't comment enough, but I always love reading.  So yay chicas!  I'm pointing these out because I know (because I have StatCounter) that a lot of you finding this site via Google are coming looking for blogs about duodenal switch surgery.  This way you can read a variety of experiences -- which is always smart. 

Yesterday was another sugar-free day at work.  That was great and easier then the day before, I think because I told the person I was sharing an office with for yesterday that I wasn't going to eat any of the candy.  Also I was logging in Fitday and didn't want to have to log SweetTarts.  I'm still waiting to get my sf candy until my next pay date (which I think is either Friday or Monday) because with shipping costs it seems worth while to put in a larger order at Bariatric Eating. 

I was supposed to go into work today (ugh) but didn't because my allergies are just going crazy and I had to take some of the super pills (they're Atarax) to relieve the eczema that's breaking out on my neck, chest and arms.  The pills work well, but are like being hit on the head with a chemical hammer.  Seriously, they totally knock me out. So I sent an "I'm sick!" email to my boss, took a pill and fell back to sleep for another 5 hours.   

When I woke up I was down 4 pounds from the day before (yay!) and had my period (oy!).  It was just before noon and I felt like I was playing hooky.  A friend called and we went to lunch at the California Chicken Cafe (I had a pretty good chicken Caesar salad) and then to do some reading (I'm currently outlining a text called Chicana Voices for my dissertation) at Diedricks Coffee on Montana.  She kept commenting on how much weight I'd lost (this is nice from her because my weight, whatever it is, has never been an issue between us... think she's just amazed at how much less space I take up) and remarked that the pants I was wearing looked huge.  I had to sadly agree.

I say sadly because I LOVE these brown cords.  They're from J.Jill and part of the care package that the charming Harriet sent me when I had nothing to wear this past winter.  They're comfortable, but sadly, as my friend remarked, look like they're barely staying up.  (It's not really true -- Fred can keep them up, really).  I'd remarked to Paul just last night that now that the weather was getting warm again, I have nothing that fits me.  He agreed (well, either that or he just wanted me to shut up as he isn't really into clothing discussions) and pointed out that he'd paid down the Old Navy card from the last time I'd had nothing to wear, so perhaps it was time to charge it up again.

Anyway, after a good three hours of work at the cafe, my friend and I went over to Third Street.  She headed off to Banana Republic (they were having a sale I think) and I went into Old Navy.  There I discovered that I'm basically a size 14.  I bought two tee shirts (one black, one brown), two cotton skirts (one black with orange pattern, size 12, the other brown with a tan pattern, size14), a pair of khakis (size 14short),  a pair of jeans (size 12 short -- but relaxed fit) and a tan jacket that's sort of a cross between a blazer and a jean jacket.  Total?  $101 including tax.  There were a few other things I wanted, but they aren't on sale yet and I hate paying full price for anything at Old Navy as they'll probably be on sale tomorrow.

Even with all that shopping and trying things on, I still managed to finish before my friend, so I headed over to Banana to meet her.  She was still trying on clothes so I tried on a few things myself, including a size 14 party dress.  I was a little reluctant because when I tried this two months ago (weighing pretty close to what I do now), the same style dress had been way too small in a 14.  But this one fit quite well.  I'm not sure it's the dress I'll get --I need something really nice for a family party (my Nana is turning 100) in June -- but it was amazing to have it fit. 

So that's about it for today.  Have a happy Friday everyone!

Last Night

Weight 197.6

Last night I was walking on Third Street with the plan of going to Macy's (we had a store credit) and finding some panties that a) weren't 5 sizes too big and couldn't actually be tucked into my bra and b) somehow magically lifted my backside and made Fred (my hanging roll of tummy and skin) invisible while not looking and feeling like a scuba suit support garment.  I also was trying to decide whether or not to buy a new pair of Old Navy jeans -- my size 18s look... well, they look like I'm carrying a load.  And my one pair size 16s are pretty baggy too.  Part of me just wants to wait until I'm a 12, but another part likes having clothes that actually show I've lost weight.

Anyway, so I was musing over this and looking in shop windows when a young Asian woman, let's call her Jennifer as that was apparently her name, came up to me and told me my hair and face were perfect. 

Needless to say this caught my attention.  It's not that I don't have strangers coming up to me all the time, but usually they want me to sign something or give them change (favorite is the man on Third Street whose family has been killed by ninjas and needs money for karate lessons -- I almost always give him a dollar).  They normally aren't telling me about the perfection of my hair.  Especially since yesterday it was kinda grungy and pulled back with clips.

Turned out that Jennifer was a stylist and taking an exam that night at Fred Segal salon in Santa Monica and needed a model.   Apparently my hair was just the right length for the cut she needed to do.  I asked what the cut was like and was told "modifed bob" which is basically what I got last time I was at Sasson.  So I agreed (it's not everyday I get chance to get a cut at the Segal salon where even basic cuts from junior stylists start at $100 (and can go as high as $400 -- that's just for the cut mind, not color or treatments).  She gave me her card, I swore I'd be there on-time and then I went on with my panty shopping (more on that in another post).

So I showed up at Segal a bit early and went through the shop looking at clothes that I couldn't afford even if I fit in them.  Since they mostly seemed to start at 8 and drop down from there, wearing them wasn't an issue.  Still, I had a very nice sales woman point out a few shirts that were "just right" (ie BIG -- no they really were cute) for me.  I told them I was killing time before a hair appointment and then went into the salon area to catch up on my Glamour reading.  (Note: apparently sundresses with thick off white over-the-knee socks are in for Spring.  Hmmm.).  Jennifer came out and greeted me and made me a latte. 

Very nice.  Espresso making and milk frothing are now part of the sylist skill set.

She then directed me to the changing rooms where I took off my sweater and put on the provided gown.  Reflexively remembering all the times such gowns had been too small for me to tie, I was nervous, but of course it fit and tied neatly.  It's these small victories that mean so much, you know?

BTW, Fred Segal's salon is so clean it was rather stunning.  I don't think I saw a single hair on the floor the whole time I was there.  Maybe they have small robotic vacuums going around and sucking everything up.  Anyway, impressive.

So anyway, soon I was fully caffinated, my hair had been gently washed, my glasses removed.  This meant, of course, I couldn't see what she was doing.  But she was gentle and I slipped into the "I'm having my hair cut and can't see anything" sort of haze.

About 45 minutes later, I started to see the outline of the cut in the mirror.  What I saw made me think I now had a Beatle's cut. 

Yes, it's very short.  Blown back it looks like maybe I'm doing Dorothy Hamill in honor of the winter games.  I was pretty upset last night -- but I'm getting used to it. Paul said he likes it better than the bob.  And at work everyone's told me it looks cute.

Of course, how often do you go up to a co-worker and say "Dude, your hair?!"?

Best of Three

Weight: 199.6 (best of three tries -- the other two were 200.6 and 200.0 respectively)

The scale did show 199.6. 

But I'm not ready to say I'm in Onderland.  I know (okay, I'm pretty sure) that tomorrow won't be 199 something.  And so I want to wait to celebrate until I'm sure it's real... then I'll take the picture of the numbers and and post it here.   I know it's just a number but it would be discouraging to see 200 tomorrow after putting 199 on my blog.  Though I guess I kind of have. 

I was going to have my 10 month progress photos tonight but last night's pictures were a wash and I didn't get them taken tonight.   So it may be Friday before they get taken and posted.  Ah well. 

My new measurements are up though.  As you can see, I didn't lose anything around my waist, but I've apparently got a skinny neck now. 

So here's one of last night's pictures.  I'm wearing a very cute linen skirt from J.Jill that Harriet sent me.  :-)  It's so cute I swear I'll have to shave my legs.

No, really.

Something to Think About (Continued)

Weight 200.0 (no really it is -- I tried 3X in case it would go down further, but it never did)

And this is my 200th blog entry too!  Aren't you stunned and amazed?

Okay, I started a musing reply about Angie's mixed feeling about my losing weight (and even made her cry again!), but then I had to stop and go see Matchpoint (okay, I wanted to too).  It was great.  It started slow but the pacing worked for me.  Paul said it was Woody Allen doing Hitchcock.  I hate being one of those wives who quotes her husband, but that comes pretty close.

So about what Angie wrote.  First, and most obviously I wasn't offended by what she wrote.  When I read it, what I saw was myself.  That odd feeling that I didn't want the other person to be less successful, but the horror of knowing that their success was reminding me that I wasn't doing so well.  I felt this when a friend lost a good deal on Weight Watchers some years ago.  Though I was heavier, I (obviously) couldn't get it together and match her discipline in following the program.  And so as she got thinner and was able to shop more places, part of me was thrilled for her.  But another part felt like the step sister left behind.  I'm not sure what to do about that other than be glad that Angie was honest about what she was feeling.

It makes me glad for her support and also makes me want to support her all the more. 

As to her question about protein drinks, that's a good one.  I think if someone is working out and wanting to increase or maintain muscle, but at the same time avoiding meat protein, it might make sense.  I know I need extra protein because I don't absorb all that I eat so I need to eat extra.  But I do think getting enough, especially when I'm working out, keeps me from getting too carb hungry. 

That said, I feel like a fraud giving weight loss advice.  I mean if I'd been able to follow a diet and not give myself permission to cheat when life got too stressful, I might have been able to avoid messing up my body so much that I needed surgery.  I don't feel like I took an easy way out.  I took the only way out I could find.  That I might be interesting or even inspiring to someone dieting without weight loss surgery is deeply humbling. 

It's not that I don't want to help (o I do!) nor that I don't want to give advice (love doing that too).  It's just I feel like the obvious answer to anything I say is "if you know so much, why did you end up at 367 pounds?" 

That said, I suspect few of us get to morbid obesity without learning a huge amount about how to lose weight.  Until  my immune system gave up the ghost (at least that's how it felt), I was always very good at losing weight.  Not quite as good as I was at gaining it, but still.

It's keeping it off that scares me. 

I've never done that.

Tomorrow my 10 month pictures.  We tried to take them tonight, but the flash made my eyes go all squinty. 

PS.  This is a public "thank you" to Harriet for sending me some wonderful and stylish clothes.  Thanks to her I'm no where near as scruffy as I was.  And when people ask where I got something, I don't have to keep saying "oh, it was my mother's" (not that I'm not happy to wear her hand-me-downs too).

Christmas Writ Small

Weight: 216.4

I added a picture of me in my new Old Navy outfit (see yesterday's entry) to this post.  I'm not slim or anything, but I feel great.  :)

Okay, so I found my passport, we finished (mostly) our Christmas shopping in so far as we have gifts for everyone we're seeing in the UK, Paul is doing the laundry and I've got 12 hours to pack.    It's 80 degrees today in Santa Monica and hard to think of going somewhere with cold weather.  But go we will. 

And everything is going to be okay.  (Repeat as needed).

Do I sound calm?  Yeah, well, you don't live with me and my husband would probably take issue with that.  He's calm.  I'm an emotional pain in the backside.  Yesterday I threw a tantrum and started crying because he didn't want to go shopping for new jeans for himself at Old Navy with me.  No, really.  My emotions are all over the place.  It's like being 16 again only this time with wrinkles. 

So what did we do for gifts, being as how we're almost totally broke?  Well, we got paid for a little bit of web work done this past fall, which combined with some eBaying gave us about $300 to play with.   We got Crayola gift packs (very cool) from Costco and Snowman See's candy boxes for each of the kiddies.  For Paul's sibs and their spouses we got (at my suggestion) Mexican chocolaté, cool mugs and tiny bottles of Kahlua.  I'm going to write out the recipe for Mexican hot chocolate.  And Paul found some cool potting tools for his parents at Brookstone.  We each also got little things for each other and, well, that was it.  We blew through all the money -- news that Paul gave me just as I was about to buy another gift for him at the Apple store.  So it'll have to wait for his birthday.

We also made a Christmas CD for our families.  The basis was the Starbuck's Christmas CD from HEAR called "Baby It's Cold Outside" but we dumped some of the songs off it, added a few of our own favorites and remixed the order.  Here's what we ended up with:

1. (There's No Place Like) Home for the Holidays       Perry Como   
2. Feliz Navidad                                                          José Feliciano
3. Peace                                                                      Norah Jones   
4. O Holy Night                                                          Nat King Cole
5. Santa Bring My Baby Back To Me                             Elvis Presley
6. The Christmas Song                                               Ella Fitzgerald   
7. Baby, It's Cold Outside                                           Dean Martin   
8. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas                  Diana Krall   
9. I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm                        Frank Sinatra
10. Christmas Dream                                                   Perry Como   
11. Winter Wonderland                                                 Tony Bennett
12. River                                                                       Aimee Mann   
13. I'll Be Home For Christmas                                     Dean Martin   
14. Happy Christmas                                                    John Lennon   
15. Merry Christmas Baby                                            B.B. King   
16. The Christmas Waltz                                              Peggy Lee
17. Frosty the Snow Man                                              Perry Como
18. The Christmas Song                                               Nat King Cole
19. The Happiest Christmas Tree                                 Nat King Cole
20. Christmas All Over Again                                       Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers                                                          

We burned about 6 of them and made CD covers and liners (okay, Paul did most of it, but I helped by giving my opinion.  Often.

That's about it I guess.  Given that my flight leaves in 12 hours I guess I should start packing.  Or something.

Peace on Earth.