Have you ever felt like you put your life on hold waiting for X or Y? I do. Everything good I try and deny myself because of my weight.
This was brought home for me very clearly earlier this week when my partner of close to eight years and I talked about eloping. I wanted to, but my first thought was "maybe we should wait until after I lose the weight." Part of me didn't feel I deserved to be a bride at the size I am.
See, I don't need someone to punish me, though happily I've found someone who does. I've gotten very good at denying myself a life. My partner doesn't worry about my size -- he's never even known me thin. Yet I was ready to deny both of us because of my mental image of a size 6 bride.
Of course I fought it. We're marrying next week and it will be beautiful. And so will I. I'm tempted to have him vow to love me for fatter and thinner, but I think we'll go with the traditional wording after all.
On our wedding night my husband will hopefully beat me soundly. I want it to be a night I'll remember.
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